JIM  HICKEY 


Jim  and  Danny — Page  9 

Frontispiece 


JIM   HICKEY 

A  Story  of  the  One-Night  Stands 


By  GEORGE   V.    HOBART 

AUTHOR  OF 
"JOHN  HENRY,"  "IT'S  UP  TO  YOU,"  ETC. 


ILLUSTRATIONS   BY   McKEE   BARCLAY 


G.  W.  DILLINGHAM   COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK 


COPYRIGHT,  1904,  BY 
G.  W.  DILLINGHAM  COMPANY 

ENTERED  AT  STATIONERS'  HALL 


Jim  Htekey  Issued  October,  1904 

(All  rights  reserved) 


SRLF, 
URL 


TO  MY  WIFE 


CONTENTS 


PAGK 

THE  TIRED  TROOPERS 11 

THE  ONE  WHO  WAITED 25 

THE  DELAYED  TELEGRAM 36 

THE  INJURED  STRANGER 54 

THE  RUNAWAY  HORSE 75 

THE  Two  PALS  92 

THE  CURTAIN  FALLS.  .                        103 


ILLUSTRATIONS 


PAGE 

Jim  and  Danny Frontispiece  9 

"  Have  you  seen  anything  of  Sam?  "  asked  Amy. .  28 

"You  be  the  fat  cuss  that  cut  up  at  the  Op'ry 

House  !  "  roared  Jabe  Meade ....  41 

"  He  is  my  father,"  Amy  said 74 

A  man  rushed  out  and  grabbed  for  the  horses. ...  89 

"  They  has  my  best  wishes  and  God  blest  them  ! " 

said  Mrs.  Stump 118 


JIM  HICKBY 


CHAPTER  FIRST 

THE   TIEED   TROUPERS 

HE  woods  for  ours!  Isn't 
this  a  bird  of  a  place  for 
a  show  to  get  stranded?  ' 
Jim  Hickey  asked,  dis- 
gustedly, as  he  sat  down 
on  a  baggage  truck. 

Danny  Dean,  the  low 
comedian  of  the  late  lamented  "  Sher- 
idan Stock  and  Repertoire  Co.,"  made 
no  answer.  With  blinking  eyes  he 
watched  the  Western  express  until  it 
disappeared  around  the  last  curve  in 
the  distance. 

Then  he  turned  to  his  friend,  the 
11 


Jim  Hickey 

light  comedian,  and  said,  quite  irrele- 
vantly: 

"  Hellsdelight!  " 

Under  stress  of  great  mental  excite- 
ment Danny's  vocabulary,  at  least  that 
part  of  it  which  threw  the  lurid  lights, 
consisted  of  only  two  words,  but  Danny 
could  make  them  fit  any  emergency. 

"  It  wouldn't  have  been  so  bad  if 
the  show  had  gone  to  pieces  in  some 
burg  where  the  people  have  insomnia 
in  the  daytime,"  Jim  growled.  "  But 
here,  Danny,  the  men  go  to  work  in 
their  pajamas,  and  the  town  hasn't  anjr 
street  cars  because  the  conductor's  bell 
sounds  too  much  like  an  alarm  clock 
and  it  might  wake  the  Mayor." 

Jim  arose,  pushed  the  dark  hair  back 
from  his  forehead  and  paraded  his  six 
feet  of  youthful  manhood  in  front  of 
the  rolly-polly  Danny,  who  sat  down 
with  a  loud  sigh  on  the  truck. 
12 


The  Tired  Troupers 


11  I  tell  you,  Danny,"  Jim  went  on, 
"I'm  too  delicate  for  this  one-night 
stand  gag.  I  'm  going  to  New  York  and 
build  a  theatre." 

"  What  with?  "  sneered  Danny. 

"  With  a  reporter  I  know  on  one  of 
the  papers,"  Jim  chuckled.  "  Say, 
what  was  the  name  of  that  town  we 
played  night  before  last?  ' 

"  Murphy's   Landing,   wasn't   it?  ' 
Danny  answered. 

"  I  guess  that's  right,  because  Mur- 
phy landed  on  me  good  and  hard," 
Jim  said.  * '  Kemember  those  nice 
white  door  knobs  we  ate  for  break- 
fast next  morning?  The  waitress  said 
they  were  hot  biscuits,  but  I  had  to 
eat  mine  with  a  nut  cracker.  I've 
got  it  in  my  pantry  yet,  and  every 
time  I  walk  around  the  knob  turns 
and  I  can  hear  a  door  open  some- 
where." 

13 


Jim  Hickey 

Danny's  double  chin  showed  signs  of 
agitation. 

"  Stranded,  here  in  this  jay  town!  " 
Jim  stood  and  looked  over  the  land- 
scape. "  Say,  Danny!  what  we  need  is 
a  guardian.  And  while  we're  at  it  let's 
pick  out  one  with  money  so  we  can 
wire  him  for  a  little  price  to  help  us 
out  on  occasions  like  this.  The  next 
manager  that  wins  me  away  from  the 
stock  yards  will  have  to  wear  a  gold- 
plated  overcoat,  and  stand  in  the  wings 
every  night  where  he  can  throw  ten 
dollar  bills  at  me  when  I  make  my  exit. 
No  more  slob  impressarios  for  mine, 
with  nothing  in  their  inside  pockets 
but  a  date  book  and  a  hearty  appetite." 

"  Same  here,  Jim!  "  Danny  nodded. 
"  The  next  manager  that  picks  me  out 
will  have  to  drag  me  down  to  his  bank 
and  let  me  kick  his  coupons  off  the 
shelf  before  I'll  sign,"  Danny  insisted. 
14 


The  Tired  Troupers 


11  Bumped,  good  and  hard,  here  in 
the  tall  grass,'*  Jim  complained  again, 
' '  and  not  a  cookie  in  the  lunch  basket. 
Say!  it  has  me  winging  all  right,  and 
that's  no  idle  hoot!  This  is  the  third 
troupe  that  blew  out  its  mainspring  for 
us  this  season  and  I  'm  beginning  to  be- 
lieve we  ought  to  get  vaccinated.  How 
am  I  going  to  do  Hamlet  in  New  York 
this  winter  I'd  like  to  know?  Eight 
weeks  since  we  left  Chicago,  three 
shows  to  the  bad  and  we  aren't  out  of 
the  state  of  Illinois  yet.  Say,  Danny,  at 
this  rate  it'll  take  about  629  shows  to 
get  us  to  Jersey  City,  are  you  hip?  ' 

Danny  laughed,  "  It's  the  old  story, 
Jim,  my  boy,  we're  a  sad  bunch  of 
ploughboys  on  this  old  farm  of  a  world 
when  we  haven 't  a  little  mazume  in  the 
vest  pocket.  I've  got  a  new  bit  of  a 
recitation  spiel  I  cooked  up  last  night 
when  I  couldn't  sleep.  It's  called 
15 


Jim  Hickey 

"  Knock  and  the  World  Knocks  With 
You, ' '  and  I  '11  put  you  jerry  to  it  right 
now  before  it  gets  cold!  ' 

"  Well,  I'm  from  Texas,  so  you'lj 
have  to  steer  me,"  said  Jim. 

"  Pipe  the  everlasting  truth  con- 
tained herein, ' '  said  Danny,  whereupon 
he  proceeded  as  follows: 

Knock,  and  the  world  knocks  with  you, 

Boost  and  you  boost  alone ! 
When  you  roast  good  and  loud 
You  will  find  that  the  crowd 

Has  a  hammer  as  big  as  your  own ! 

Buy,  and  the  gang  is  with  you; 

Eenig,  and  the  game's  all  off, 
For  the  lad  with  the  thirst 
Will  see  you  first 

If  you  don't  proceed  to  cough-! 

Be  rich  and  the  push  will  praise  you, 
Be  poor  and  they'll  pass  the  ice, 

You're  a  warm  young  guy 

When  you  start  to  buy — 

You're  a  slob  when  you  lose  the  price! 

16 


The  Tired  Troupers 


Be  flush  and  your  friends  are  many, 
Go  broke  and  they'll  say  Ta,  ta! 

While  your  bank  account  burns 

You  will  get  returns, 
When  it's  out  you  will  get  the  Ha! 

Be  gay  and  the  mob  will  cheer  you, 
They'll  shout  while  your  wealth  endures; 

Show  a  tearful  lamp 

And  you'll  see  them  tramp — 

And  it's  back  to  the  woods  for  yours! 

There's  always  a  bunch  to  boost  you 
While  at  your  money  they  glance; 

But  you'll  find  them  all  gone 

On  that  cold  gray  dawn 
When  the  fringe  arrives  on  your  pants! 

"  You've  got  the  game  of  life  sized 
to  a  show-down,"  was  Jim's  comment. 
"  Say,  Danny,  excuse  me  for  rushing 
away  so  soon  from  that  bundle  of 
Shakespeare  you  just  pulled,  but  what 
was  the  matter  with  our  ex-manager? 
The  house  we  had  last  night  looked  like 
17 


Jim  Hickey 

real  money  to  me.    Did  you  flash  your 
lamps  over  it?  ' 

"  Hellsdelight!  "  spluttered  the  low 
comedian;  "  sure  I  did.  Must  have 
been  a  hundred  and  seventy-five  dol- 
lars, not  counting  the  pulp !  ' ' 

"  Ditto,"  said  Jim.  "  That's  how  I 
sized  it  up,  and  I  allowed  for  the  paper, 
same  as  you,  Danny.  And,  say!  when 
Sam  Bishop  came  back  after  the  third 
act  last  night  and  said  we'd  have  to 
put  the  shutters  up  I  nearly  took  the 
count.  Stranded,  here  in  this  grass 
burg — it's  awful,  Danny!  " 

11  Sam  Bishop  is  a  shine  Manager, " 
growled  the  low  comedian.  *  *  What  he 
don't  know  about  running  a  rep.  show 
would  keep  any  man  in  thoughts  for  a 
year.  He  ought  to  be  the  leading  man 
in  a  lemonade  wagon.  How'd  a  real 
woman  like  his  wife  ever  come  to 
marry  a  false-alarm  like  Sam?  ' 
18 


The  Tired  Troupers 


11  You  can  put  me  under  the  micro- 
scope f  "  answered  Jim,  sitting  on  the 
truck.  "  I  did  hear  once  that  he  won 
her  away  from  a  good  home,  but  she 
isn't  out  with  an  extra  about  her 
troubles.  She's  a  queen,  all  right,  and, 
say,  Danny!  that  kid  of  hers!  ' 

Danny's  face  grew  radiant  with  a 
grin  while  dimples  deep  with  delight 
suddenly  appeared  in  his  broad  and 
ample  cheeks. 

'  *  Say,  Jim !  Amy  Bishop 's  kid  is  an 
awful  hit  with  me,"  Danny  chuckled. 
"  Seems  like  that  li'l  tacker  under- 
stands every  word  I  say  to  him.  That 's 
one  big  reason  why  I'm  sore  because 
the  troupe  is  busted."  The  grin  died 
away,  the  dimples  vanished,  and  gray 
thoughts  of  the  future  gave  their  shad- 
ows to  Danny's  eyes. 

Jim,  too,  was  silent,  and  thus  they 
sat  while  the  October  sunlight  danced 
19 


Jim  Hickey 

about  them  and  tried  to  be  kind  to  the 
grim  and  dirty  little  railroad  station. 

But  presently  even  the  sunlight  tired 
of  its  philanthropic  task  and  it  gladly 
withdrew  when  sombre  clouds  hurried 
up  the  sky  from  the  East.  Then  the 
dismal  depot  at  Pikehaven,  Illinois, 
came  into  its  own  again. 

Jim  shivered  and  buttoned  his  coat. 
"  Where's  the  rest  of  the  push?  "  he 
asked. 

"  All  of  them  had  enough  to  make 
Chicago.  They  left  early  on  the  East 
bound  accommodation— all  except  you 
and  me  and  Sam  Bishop  and  Amy  and 
Li'l  Bill!  "  Danny  was  glad  to  be  able 
to  add  this  last  bit  of  intelligence,  the 
return  of  the  dimples  proved  it. 

"  I'm  afraid  you've  mentioned   at 
least  three  who  won't  answer  roll  call," 
Jim  said;  "  Sam  and  his  wife  went 
West  on  the  express!  ' 
20 


Tlie  Tired  Troupers 


"  Hellsdelight !  '  Danny  fairly 
shrieked,  as  he  jumped  up.  "  Sam 
Bishop  and  his  wife  and  the  kid  went 
West?  " 

11  Just  as  I  got  down  here  the  train 
was  pulling  out,"  Jim  explained.  "  I 
caught  a  glimpse  of  Sam  Bishop  climb- 
ing on  board.  Amy  was  ahead  of  him. 
That's  all  the  news  the  ticker  has  at 
present — why,  Danny,  what's  the  mat- 
ter? " 

Danny  was  staring  wild-eyed  at  Jim, 
his  face  purpling  with  suppressed  rage. 

' '  The  lobster!  Oh,  oh !  what  an  onion 
that  slob  is!  "  Danny  managed  to  yell. 

* '  If  you  're  going  to  swear  turn  your 
face  the  other  way,  Danny.  What  did 
Sam  do?  " 

"  What   did   he    do?     He   did   me, 
that's  what  he  done.    He  touched  me 
for  my  last  ten  spot!  "    Poor  Danny 
was  on  the  verge  of  a  collapse. 
21 


Jim  Hickey 

11  Touched  you  for  your  last  ten," 
echoed  Jim.  "  "Well,  wouldn't  that 
give  you  exercise!  ' 

"  When  I  heard  last  night  that  the 
troupe  had  exploded  I  thought  it  was 
about  time  for  me  to  begin  to  save 
some  money,  so  I  fixed  it  with  one  of 
the  stage  hands  to  let  me  sleep  in  the 
dressing-room,"  Danny  started  to  ex- 
plain. 

11  That  accounts  for  it,  then,"  said 
Jim.  "  I  sat  up  all  night  waiting  for 
you  in  the  hotel  office.  You  didn't  get 
any  the  best  of  me  on  that  money-sav- 
ing idea,  because  I  slept  in  the  chair 
when  the  night  clerk  wasn't  looking. 
Of  course  I  had  to  get  up  every  half 
hour  and  look  over  the  register  to 
prove  I  wasn't  taking  a  shingle  off 
the  mafi's  roof  by  stealing  a  lot  of 
sleep,  but  I  made  good,  all  right!  ' 

Danny  was  busy  with  his  thoughts 
22 


The  Tired  Troupers 


till  Jim  stopped.  "  Early  this  morn- 
ing I  was  up,  and  the  first  crack  out 
of  the  box  I  ran  into  Sam  Bishop.  '  I 
think  I  can  make  the  rime  to  get  a  rate 
to  Chicago,'  he  says.  '  I  had  the 
station  agent  and  his  entire  tribe  in 
here  last  night.  Drop  in  your  contri- 
bution, Danny,  and  I'll  get  your  ticket.' 

"  I  handed  him  my  last  ten  spot- 
all  I  had  on  earth  except  eighty  cents 
—and  he  says,  '  All  right,  Danny,  I'll 
give  you  the  change  at  the  hotel,'  and 
with  that  he  ducked  for  the  depot. 
Say,  Jim,  I'll  certainly  have  to  spoil 
that  man's  mapl  " 

"  It's  coming  to  him,  all  right, 
Danny,"  Jim  agreed. 

"  Maybe,"  Danny  added  in  a  softer 
voice,  while  the  dimples  came  back 
for  a  moment.  "  Maybe  he'll  spend 
some  of  it  for  the  kid.  If  he  does, 
perhaps  I  won't  hate  him  so  much." 
23 


Jim  Hickey 

''I'm  sure  he  will,  Danny.  In  the 
meantime,  we'll  form  a  joint  stock 
company.  You  say  there's  eighty 
cents  in  the  kick?  Good!  Hand  over. 
It  goes  with  my  thirteen  dollars  and 
eighty  cents.  Fine!  We've  got  capi- 
tal between  us  to  the  extent  of  four- 
teen dollars  and  sixty  cents.  That'll 
buy  our  breakfast,  our  tickets  to  Chi- 
cago and  enough  left  over  for  a  couple 
of  shaves  when  we  get  there.  Me  for 
the  eats;  come  on,  Danny!  " 

Danny  stood  looking  wistfully  up 
the  Western  tracks.  "  I  wish  I  could 
have  seen  that  kid  again  before  he 
quit  me,"  he  murmured. 

"  Come  on,  Danny!  Don't  you  hear 
those  breakfast  bells?  "  Jim  yelled. 

Danny  sighed  and  dug  twd  pudgy 
fists  into  his  eyes. 

Then  he  turned  and  followed  Jim. 


CHAPTER   SECOND 


THE   ONE   WHO   WAITED 

M 

JTRANGE  to  say,  the  name 
of  Pikehaven's  centre  of 
gastronomical  delights 
was  not  the  Waldorf,  or 
the  Astoria,  or  the  Del- 
monico. 

A  weather-beaten  sign 
swung  over  the  not  too-imposing  en- 
trance, and  complained  unceasingly 
because  it  did  picket  duty  in  front  of 
so  plebeian  a  place  as 


THE  COMMERCIAL  HOUSE 
PETER  STUMP,  PROPR. 

25 


Jim  Hickey 

But  Peter  Stump,  after  many  fat 
years  of  waddling  to  the  post-office  and 
back  again  to  the  fat  little  arm-chair 
where  he  sipped  fat  whiskey  and 
smoked  a  fat  old  pipe,  had  been  gath- 
ered to  his  fathers,  and  Mrs.  Stump 
reigned  in  his  stead. 

A  good,  motherly  old  lady  was  Mrs. 
Stump,  bespectacled  and  benign  of  ex- 
pression, but  with  a  tongue  which  Na- 
ture had  obviously  intended  for  an 
auctioneer. 

Marmaduke,  the  only  hope,  the  pride, 
the  joy  of  doting  Mrs.  Stump,  rejoiced 
in  the  glory  of  nineteen  pale  summers, 
while  he  smoked  cigarettes  that 
smelled  like  an  anaesthetic,  and  other- 
wise posed  as  the  day  clerk  in  the  hotel. 

The    night    clerk,    by   name    Harry 

Slite,    was    short,    stout    and    intense. 

His  head   was  bald,   inside  and   out. 

His  fondness  for  using  big  words  was 

26 


The  One  Who  Waited 


the  one  absorbing  passion  of  his 
life. 

Jim  Hickey  walked  airily  into  the 
dingy  office  of  The  Commercial  House 
this  brown  October  morning,  and 
Danny  Deane's  stout  personality  fol- 
lowed closely  after. 

"  Say,  Jim,  I've  got  an  appetite  on 
me  that  won't  do  a  thing  to  a  laboring 
man's  breakfast,"  the  low  comedian 
whispered  in  his  loudest  up-stage  voice. 

Jim's  answer  will  never  be  known, 
for  at  that  moment  both  men  stopped 
short  in  their  tracks,  gazing  in  dumb 
amazement  at  the  woman  who,  leading 
a  little  boy,  came  forward  and  greeted 
them. 

"  Good  morning,  Jim,  and  Danny," 
she  said  sweetly,  while  the  baby's 
hands  went  out  to  the  low  comedian; 
"  I  was  afraid  you  had  gone  without 
saying  good-by.  Really,  I  was  begin- 
27 


Jim  Hickey 

ning  to  feel  dreadfully  hurt.  The  baby 
would  never  have  forgiven  you,  Danny, 
if  you  hadn't  told  him  good-by.  Have 
you  seen  anything  of  Sam?  I've  been 
sitting  here  an  hour  waiting  for  him. 
He  went  down  to  the  depot  to  see  some 
of  the  company  off  on  the  Western  ex- 
press. Why  don't  you  speak  to  the 
baby,  Danny?  I'm  dreadfully  hungry, 
but  I  '11  have  to  wait  breakfast  for  Sam, 
because  he  took  my  pocket-book  with 
him  to  get  our  tickets.  He  said  we'd 
leave  for  Chicago  about  noon.  Why, 
Jim,  what  in  the  world  is  the  matter 
with  you?  " 

"  Nothing,  Amy;  nothing  at  all," 
Jim  answered.  "  I  just  happened  to 
remember  something.  Excuse  me,  just 
a  moment." 

Jim  drew  his  astonished  friend  aside 
and  whispered  hoarsely,  "  Danny,  go 
outside  and  let  loose  about  ten  para- 
28 


'Have  you  seen  anything  of 
Sam?"  asked  Amy.— Page  28 


The  One  Who  Waited 


graphs  of  the  warmest  talk  in  your 
collection;  swear  till  you're  black  in 
the  forehead  and  relieve  my  feelings! 
Cut  loose,  Danny,  and  turn  your  face 
in  the  direction  of  the  West— that's 
the  way  the  train  went.  Say  anything 
you  think  of  and  charge  it  to  me." 

With  tightly  compressed  lips  Danny 
hurried  out,  and  that  he  attended 
strictly  to  the  business  in  hand  was 
evident  from  the  astonishment  de- 
picted on  the  faces  of  the  few  pedes- 
trians who  passed  The  Commercial 
House  during  the  next  few  minutes. 

' l  Sit  down,  Amy, ' '  said  Jim,  smiling 
as  of  old.  "  I  had  to  send  Danny  to 
attend  to  a  bit  of  business  for  me. 
Did  you  say  Sam  took  the  gate  receipts 
with  him?  " 

Amy  laughed.  "  Yes,  all  I  had,  and 
that  wasn't  very  much.  But  I  do  wish 
he'd  hurry  back!  I'm  dreadfully  hun- 
29 


Jim  Hickey 

gry,  and  so  is  the  baby.  Are  you  going 
on  to  Chicago  with  us  I  ' 

"  Danny  and  I  haven't  booked  our 
route  yet,"  Jim  answered.  "  We 
thought  possibly  we  might  open  a 
stock  company  here  in  Pikehaven  and 
put  on  some  of  Bill  Shakespeare 's  stuff. 
It  looks  like  a  good  place  for  tragedy. ' ' 

Danny  came  in,  with  a  look  of  in- 
tense relief  on  his  red  and  perspiring 
face. 

Jim  took  him  aside  again.  "  Get 
busy  with  the  vacant  stare  behind  the 
counter — the  day  clerk.  Talk  fast  to 
him  a  minute,  Danny,  I  want  to  do  a 
little  cooking." 

Danny  grinned  amiably  and  led 
Marmaduke  into  a  discussion  of  the 
drama  and  its  relation  to  Pikehaven, 
until  presently  Jim  said,  "  I  beg  par- 
don, what  are  your  rates  here?  ' 

Marmaduke  paused  in  the  act  of 
30 


The  One   Who  Waited 


lighting  a  cigarette  and  said  with  a 
lisp,  "  Two  dollarth  a  day,  American 
plan. ' ' 

"  I  see  that  Mr.  Bishop  has  regis- 
tered his  wife's  name  here  on  the  log- 
book," Jim  went  on.  "  That's  the 
lady  in  the  chair  over  there." 

"  Ith  that  tho!  "  Marmaduke  said, 
dropping  the  cigarette  in  his  excite- 
ment. "  Thirtenly  ith  peculiar."  He 
examined  the  register.  "  Theems  tho 
funny  I  never  noticed  that  name  in 
there  before— te,  he,  he!  I  wonder 
when  Mr.  Bithop  did  that— thirtenly 
ith  peculiar." 

11  Two  dollars  a  day  with  meals?  " 
Jim  asked. 

"  Yeth,"  answered  Marmaduke,  his 
shy  little  brain  still  coquetting  with 
the  mystery  of  the  name  on  the  reg- 
ister. 

"  Well,  I  happened  to  meet  Mr. 
31 


Jim  Hickey 

Bishop  at  the  depot  a  while  ago,"  Jim 
went  on,  "  and  he  asked  me  if  I 
wouldn't  give  you  this  money  and  tell 
you  to  give  Mrs.  Bishop  the  very  best 
room  you  can  for  a  week." 

"  Fourteen  dollarth,"  Marmaduke 
whispered,  counting  the  money,  with 
wonder  in  his  pale  eyes. 

To  the  chief  clerk  of  the  chief  hotel 
in  Pikehaven  fourteen  dollars  all  at 
once  was  a  big  sum  of  money. 

Danny  looked  at  Jim  and  chuckled, 
while  the  grin  broadened  and  the  dim- 
ples danced  again. 

11  That'll  be  all  right,  won't  it!  " 
Jim  inquired.  "  He  asked  me  to  be 
sure  and  see  the  chief  clerk,  who,  he 
said,  was  a  wise  gazabe  that  knew  the 
hotel  business  backwards. ' ' 

Marmaduke 's  paper-weight  chest  be- 
gan to  swell  out  under  the  influence  of 
Jim's  flattery. 

"  Thirtenly,  thirtenly!  "  Marma- 
32 


The  One  Who  Waited 


duke  answered.  "  I'll  attend  to  it  per- 
thonally,  thure,  thure!  ' 

Jim  went  back  to  Amy  and  the  baby. 
"  Your  husband  has  you  registered  for 
breakfast,  and  the  clerk  tells  me  it's 
all  paid  for,"  he  said. 

"  Oh,  really!  "  she  laughed.  "  How- 
stupid  of  me  to  sit  here  and  never  think 
of  looking  at  the  register!  Of  course 
Sam  would  think  of  that.  I  deserve  to 
be  hungry  for  not  having  my  wits 
about  me;  don't  I,  baby?  You  poor 
little  boy,  father  thought  of  you,  but 
mother  didn't." 

Danny  turned  away  with  a  muttered 
"  Hellsdelight!  " 

11  Jim,  you  and  Danny  will  come  in 
to  breakfast  with  us,  won't  you?  " 
Amy  insisted.  '  *  Sam  will  be  back  any 
moment,  and  he  won't  scold  me  for 
waiting  so  long  if  you're  there,"  she 
added. 

"  Not  any  more  shredded  oats  for 
33 


Jim  Hickey 

ours,"  Jim  said.  "  Why,  Danny  and 
I  had  breakfast  hours  ago;  didn't  we, 
Danny?  We've  got  a  rehearsal." 

"  A  rehearsal!  "  Amy  repeated  in 
astonishment. 

"  Yes,"  Jim  laughed.  "  Frohman 
has  probably  heard  by  this  time  that 
the  troupe  blew  out  a  fuse,  and  he  may 
wire  for  Danny  and  me  any  minute. 
Good  actors  like  us  are  scarce  in  New 
York." 

Amy  smiled  and  took  the  baby  into 
the  little  dining-room,  while  Jim  and 
Danny  walked  quickly  out  into  Pike- 
haven's  busiest  thoroughfare,  where 
grew  the  grass  of  ages. 

"  Jim,    Jim,    gi'me    your    hand!  ' 
Danny    insisted.      "  You're    aces    up, 
that's  what  you  are!  ' 

"  Oh,  cut  it  out,  Danny,"  Jim  re- 
plied. "  Part  of  it  was  your  money, 
wasn't  it!  " 

34 


The  One  Who  Waited 


11  My  money!  "  Danny  yelled.  "  My 
money!  Hellsdelight !  I  only  had 
eighty  cents  to  go  in  with.  My  money! 
You're  talking  through  your  teeth." 

11  Well,  what  difference  who's  it 
was!"  retorted  Jim.  "  You'd  do  the 
same  thing,  wouldn't  you?  Wouldn't 
we  be  a  nice  pair  of  turtles  to  stand 
around  with  coin  in  our  jeans  and  see 
a  nice  girl  like  Amy  getting  the  ice?  ' 

"And  Li'l  Bill,  too,"  Danny  sug- 
gested. 

1  (  Yes,  and  the  kid,  too, ' '  Jim  agreed. 
"  We  only  did  what  little  we  could  for 
a  real  woman  who  was  given  the  dou- 
ble cross  by  a  false-alarm  husband,  and 
I'm  not  out  looking  for  any  medals, 
Danny. ' ' 

"  No,    but    you're    the    goods,    all 
right,"    Danny   maintained;    "  and   I 
mean  it,  Jim,  'cause  I'm  hungry  as  hell 
-and  glad  of  it!  " 
35 


CHAPTER   THIRD 


THE  DELAYED   TELEGRAM 

T'S  the  pike  for  ours!  "  Jim 
said  when  he  and  the  low 
comedian  came  out  of  the 
sordid  little  eating-room 
at  the  depot,  where  nearly 
all  of  their  remaining 
sixty  cents  had  been  ex- 
changed for  two  imitation  breakfasts. 
"  Not  on  your  lithograph!  "  Danny 
objected.  "  Say,  Jim,  we  can't  pull 
our  freights  away  from  here  and  leave 
the  little  woman  and  the  kid  alone  in 
that  Rube  hash  foundry,  now  can 
we?  " 

Jim  was  silent. 

"  What '11  become  of  them  when  the 
week's  up?  "  Danny  persisted. 
36 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


11  What '11  become  of  us  before  the 
week  gets  started?  "  Jim  parried. 

"  Well,  maybe  we  can  get  some 
work,"  Danny  suggested.  "  We've 
got  to  pull  off  some  kind  of  a  fight  to 
send  Amy  and  Li'l  Bill  back  to  her 
people  in  Chicago,  if  it's  only  to  spite 
Sam  Bishop,  the  hand-painted  shrimp ! ' * 

"  Soak  him  one  for  me,"  said  Jim. 

"  Was  there  really  a  woman  with 
him  getting  on  the  express?  "  Danny 
asked. 

"  Sure  there  was,"  Jim  replied. 
"  Didn't  I  pipe  him  helping  her  up 
the  steps— the  plate  of  cheese!  ' 

' '  Who  was  it  ?  Not  a  queen  of  Eube 
society  eager  to  get  out  in  the  mad, 
mad  world?  "  Danny  ventured. 

"  Close  the  window,  you're  catching 

cold!  "  admonished  Jim.     "  It  must 

have  been  that   saddlerock   soubrette 

who  joined  the  troupe  the  week  stand 

37 


Jim  Hickey 

in  Cincinnati.  Imogene  Montmorency, 
she  of  the  painted  hair  and  the  sad 
lamps  in  the  burnt-matches  frames." 

"  Imogene!  '  Danny  was  scornful. 
"  Imogene,  the  human  wheat-cake!— 
well,  wouldn't  that  cancel  your 
dates?  " 

"  Yes,  and  if  she  ever  has  to  give 
her  right  name  there'll  be  work  for  a 
Swede  interpreter, ' '  Jim  went  on.  "I 
caught  her  giving  Bishop  the  glad  gaze 
several  times,  but  I  put  on  my  blinders 
and  played  dead.  If  I  had  known  it 
was  going  to  be  a  case  of  flee  as  a  bird, 
you  can  gamble  on  it,  Danny,  I  cer- 
tainly would  have  said  unkind  things 
to  the  near-actress  lady  with  the 
oakum  topknot  and  the  complexion 
like  an  apple  fritter.'* 

"  Hellsdelight !  '  roared  Danny, 
"  and  if  I  had  suspected  it  I  sure 
would  have  handed  Sam  Bishop  a  cou- 
38 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


pie  of  Jefferies  and  two  or  three  Fitz- 
simmons,  if  I'd  been  pinched  the  next 
minute.  It  certainly  would  cool  my 
fevered  brow  to  bust  that  man's  G 
string. ' ' 

Danny  was  about  to  inaugurate  a 
verbal  pyrotechnical  display  when 
Jim  caught  him  by  the  arm.  "  We're 
a  couple  of  splashes,"  he  said  fiercely. 
11  We  ahould  have  sent  Amy  a  tele- 
gram. ' ' 

"  A  telegram!  "  Danny  repeated  in 
surprise. 

"  Yes,"  said  Jim.  "  A  telegram 
from  that  fricassee  husband  of  hers. 
Doesn't  she  expect  him  back  to  the 
hotel  every  minute?  Well,  the  longer 
she  waits  the  fiercer  the  weeps  when 
she  let's  go,  that's  all." 

Danny  bobbed  his  double  chin 
around  vigorously. 

"  Amy  is  going  to  play  that  goat  to 
39 


Jim  Hickey 

show,  and  we'll  have  to  scratch  him 
quick."  Jim  looked  around  hope- 
lessly. 

"  Say,  if  I  could  get  a  receiving 
blank  and  an  envelope  in  there,'*  he 
said  suddenly,  "  she  wouldn't  know 
my  writing  from  Pierpont  Morgan's. 
Danny,  see  if  you  can  give  the  tele- 
graph operator  the  busy  chin-chin 
while  I  do  some  more  cooking." 

They  hurried  into  the  dismal  little 
waiting-room,  where  the  two  actors 
soon  made  friends  with  Jabe  Meade, 
station  agent,  telegraph  operator  and 
baggage  master,  all  in  one  hilarious 
and  laughter-laden  personality. 

Jabe  could  laugh  so  loud  and  so  long 
that  strangers  believed  him  to  be  a 
mechanical  toy  filled  with  complicated 
machinery,  and  they  backed  away  from 
him  in  awe.  It  really  seemed  as  though, 
the  inhabitants  had  turnled  their  rer 
40 


"You  be  the  fat  cuss  that  cut  up  at  the 
Op'ry  House  !"  roared  Jabe  Meade. — Page  41 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


spective  laugh-producers  over  to  Jabe 
and  he  was  now  the  official  mirth- 
maker  to  all  Pikehaven. 

It  didn't  take  Danny  very  long  to 
find  out  Jabe's  characteristics,  and  a 
few  of  the  low  comedian's  best  stories 
did  the  rest. 

"  You  be  the  fat  cuss  that  cut  up 
with  that  thar  troupe  at  the  Op'ry 
House  last  night,  been't  ye?  "  Jabe 


"  No,  I'm  the  skeleton  man  with  a 
circus,"  Danny  answered,  and  Jabe 
roared  with  delight. 

"  You  don't  look  as  how  you  took 
much  exercise,"  snickered  Jabe. 

"  But  I  do  take  exercise— oh,  me  for 
that  exercise  thing,  good  and  strong!  " 
protested  Danny. 

"  What  kind  of  exercise  do  you 
take!  "  Jabe  inquired. 

"  Well,"  Danny  answered,  "  every 
41 


Jim  Hickey 

morning  I  swing  the  clubs  for  fifteen 
minutes,  then  the  dumb-bells  for  ten 
minutes,  then  I  run  about  three  miles 
—and  then  I  get  up  and  eat  my  break- 
fast." 

Jabe  guffawed  loudly  over  this  bit 
of  facetiousness. 

"  I  was  at  the  Op'ry  House  last 
night,"  Jabe  informed  them,  "  and  I 
'most  laughed  myself  sick  to  the  stom- 
ach at  this  yer  fat  cuss  takin'  off  that 
Dutch  policeman— ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  " 
Jabe  looked  at  Jim  Hickey.  '  *  You  was 
putty  good,  too,"  he  admitted,  "  tak- 
in' off  that  newspaper  reporter  and 
rescuin'  the  girl  from  the  burnin' 
structyure,  but  you  didn't  do  no  funny 
fall  and  bust  your  gallusses  like  this 
yer  fat  cuss — ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  ' 

"  Get  him  to  unhook  the  laugh;  he's 
a    good    steady    listener,"    whispered 
Jim,  and  Danny  started  in. 
42 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


"  Fine  town,  this  Pikehaven," 
Danny  began.  "  All  the  modern  im- 
provements, eh?  Cows  wear  nickle- 
plated  bells,  streets  paved  with  grass 
and  the  river  has  running  water." 

"  Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  "  Jabe  roared. 

"  Reminds  me  of  a  place  we  struck 
out  in  Missouri  last  winter,"  Danny 
went  on.  "  Same  style  of  public  archi- 
tecture, especially  the  town  pump. 
But  the  hotel  there  was  the  hit  with 
us.  It  was  called  the  '  Declaration  of 
Independence,'  because  the  proprietor 
had  married  an  English  woman  and 
wanted  to  be  revenged.  At  supper 
time  I  ordered  a  steak,  and  they 
brought  me  a  leather  hinge  covered 
with  gravy,  so  I  got  up  to  add  an 
amendment  to  the  Declaration  of  In- 
dependence. The  head  waiter  was  an 
ex-pugilist,  so  he  put  the  boots  to  me 
and  covered  my  amendment  with 
43 


Jim  Hickey 

bruises.  Then  he  made  me  eat  the 
leather  hinge,  and  for  two  weeks  I  used 
to  slam  every  time  the  wind  blew." 

Jabe's  laugh  shook  the  building. 

"  The  proprietor  of  that  hotel  was 
so  patriotic,"  Danny  continued,  "  that 
he  wouldn  't  number  the  rooms  like  any 
ordinary  hotel.  Every  room  was 
named  in  honor  of  a  President  of  the 
United  States.  That  evening  there 
happened  to  be  a  rush  while  I  was 
standing  near  the  desk,  and  I  heard 
the  clerk  say,  '  Front,  show  these  .gen- 
tlemen up  to  John  Quincy  Adams,  and 
tell  the  porter  to  take  that  trunk  out 
of  the  alcove  in  Thomas  Jefferson. 
Front,  go  and  put  down  that  window 
in  Rutherford  B.  Hayes,  and,  here,  take 
this  whiskey  up  to  Abraham  Lincoln. 
Front,  what's  all  that  racket  in  James 
Buchanan?  Here,  take  these  cigars  to 
U.  S.  Grant,  and  turn  off  the  gas  in 
44 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


Grover  Cleveland.'  But  I  nearly 
fainted  when  he  said,  '  Front,  run  a 
sofa  into  James  A.  Garfield,  and  take 
these  two  ladies  up  to  George  Wash- 
ington.' 

"  Mortal  Caesar!  Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  " 
roared  Jabe.  "  Dag  gone,  if  that  ain't 
funny,  you  fat  cuss!  " 

While  Danny  told  the  stories  Jim 
arranged  the  telegram,  and  so  inter- 
ested was  Jabe  that  he  didn't  notice 
what  kind  of  writing  material  the  light 
comedian  used. 

The  station  agent  kindly  obliged  Jim 
with  an  envelope,  and  when  the  latter 
offered  the  last  dime  in  his  collection 
for  a  boy  to  deliver  the!  message  to 
Mrs.  Bishop  at  the  hotel,  Jabe  roared 
again  and  said,  "  If  this  yer  fat  cuss '11 
drop  in  and  tell  me  some  more  of  them 
dag  gone  good  stories  I'll  keep  my  old- 
est boy,  Panegyric,  runnin'  messages 
45 


Jim  Hickey 

for  you  all  day  for  nothin'  at  all— ha, 
ha,  ha,  ha!  ' 

"  Panegyric?  "  questioned  Jim. 

"  That's  my  oldest,"  Jabe  said 
proudly.  "  When  Captain  Jorkins,  the 
conductor  on  No.  3,  fust  saw  that  boy 
he  said  he  was  *  a  Meade  of  praise,' 
and  the  school  teacher  told  me  a  Meade 
of  praise  is  a  Panegyric,  so  nothing 
would  do  Maw  but  we  must  christen 
him  Panegyric— ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  ' 

Jim  and  Danny  both  joined  in  the 
laugh,  and  presently  they  went  out- 
side. 

A  half  hour  later  they  decided  Pane- 
gyric had  delivered  the  telegram,  so 
they  went  to  the  hotel  to  study  its  ef- 
fect at  closer  range. 

In  the  office  of  The  Commercial 
House  they  found  Mrs.  Stump,  the  pro- 
prietress, knitting  by  the  office  stove 
and  giving  the  full  benefit  of  her  moth- 
46 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


erly  advice  to  Marmaduke,  who  slept 
placidly  behind  the  counter. 

"  My  patience!  '  she  exclaimed 
when  the  two  friends  entered.  l '  There 
you  are  now.  The  lady  in  No.  4  has 
been  a  cryin'  her  eyes  out,  but  I've 
kept  tellin'  her  that  weepin'  and  wail- 
in'  and  gnashin'  of  teeth  won't  do  no 
good,  'specially  when  a  person  has  her 
health  and  such  a  fine  baby.  As  Ira 
D.  Sankey  has  it  in  the  hynin  book, 

'  How  red  the  eyes,  how  red  the  nose 
When  woman  weeps  away  her  woes ! ' ' 

Mrs.  Stump's  ability  to  clothe  every 
circumstance  in  the  glory  of  her  home- 
made poetry  was  astonishing,  but  just 
why  she  accredited  all  her  quaint  coup- 
lets to  the  authorship  of  Ira  D.  Sankey 
nobody  could  ever  find  out. 

"  I  mentioned  most  ev'ry  proverb  I 
know  referrin'  to  tears,"  Mrs.  Stump 


Jim  Hickey 

continued,  "  but,  my  patience!  it  didn't 
seem  to  ca'm  her  none,  so  I  put  the 
baby  to  sleep  and  just  let  her  cry." 

"  What's  the  matter?  "  Jim  asked, 
glancing  at  Danny  in  alarm. 

"  Matter!  "  the  old  lady  repeated 
scornfully.  "  Same  matter  as  has  af- 
flicted us  women  sence  Eve  woke  up  in 
the  Garden  of  Eden  and  found  a  man 
staring  at  her.  Husband,  that 's  what 's 
the  matter." 

Jim  found  it  hard  to  control  the  im- 
pulse to  run  somewhere,  anywhere, 
away  from  the  tears  of  that  poor  girl, 
who,  he  was  sure,  in  spite  of  all  their 
efforts,  had  learned  the  bitter  truth. 

Danny  was  fearful,  too,  for  he  kept 
muttering  "  Hellsdelight !  "  over  and 
over. 

"  Ira  D.  Sankey  has  it  right  in  the 
hymn  book,"  Mrs.  Stump  went  on; 
"  which  says, 

48 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


'  Satan  finds  some  mischief  still 
For  husbands'  hands  and  always  will ! ' 

1 '  Husbands  is  the  well  where  women 
draw  their  tears— I  had  one,  and  I 
ought  to  know.  Most  obstinatest  man 
that  ever  drew  the  breath  of  life.  He 's 
with  the  saints  now,  poor  soul.  Ain't 
no  doubt  about  that,  because  even  if 
the  saints  didn't  want  him  he  was  that 
set  in  his  way  he'd  just  stay  there  to 
spite  them.  My  patience,  as  Ira  D. 
Sankey  has  it, 

'  Women  that  is  born  to  wed 
Might  just  as  well  be  dead  instead ! ' " 

11  Could  we  see  Mrs.  Bishop  for  a 
moment?"  Jim  asked,  in  an  effort  to 
stem  the  tide  of  talk. 

"  My  patience!  yes;  she's  in  the  par- 
lor, ' '  Mrs.  Stump  answered,  getting  up 
as  quickly  as  the  rheumatism  would 
permit.    "  I'll  show  you." 
49 


Jim  Hickey 

"  Oh,  Jim,  Danny!  "  Amy  exclaimed 
as  the  trio  entered  the  little  parlor, 
"  haven't  you  seen  Sam  anywhere?  I 
simply  cannot  understand  it,  and  I'm 
so  nervous  with  waiting!  " 

"  Thank  God!  she  doesn't  suspect," 
said  Jim  under  his  breath.  Then  aloud, 
and  cheerfully,  "  No,  Amy,  we've  been 
over  to  the  theatre  all  the  morning. 
Sam's  all  right,  and  you're  all  right 
and  everything's  all  right;  isn't  it, 
Danny?  " 

"  Well,  I  should  crush  an  egg!  " 
chuckled  Danny;  and  then  aside, 
"  where  the  devil  is  that  telegram?  ' 

At  that  moment  the  lagging  Pane- 
gyric entered  the  room,  stared  around 
stupidly,  placed  the  message  on  a  chair 
and  walked  out,  whistling  inanely. 

"  My  patience!  "  exclaimed  Mrs. 
Stump  indignantly,  "  that  Meade  boy 
is  the  laziest  critter  that  ever  pretended 
50 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


he  was  alive.  As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts 
it, 

'  A  whistlin'  boy  and  a  crowin'  hen 
Is  worse  than  the  whoopin'  cough',  amen ! ' 

Seems  like  he  intended  this  for  you, 
Mrs.  Bishop." 

Amy  took  the  message  and  read  it. 
An  expression  of  pained  surprise  came 
into  her  tear-tired  eyes,  but  she  said 
no  word  as  she  handed  the  missive  to 
Jim. 

"  Want  me  to  read  this?  "  Jim 
asked. 

11  Please,"  Amy  answered.  "  Read 
it,  so  Danny  will  know,  too."  Then 
she  went  to  the  window  and  looked  out 
into  the  dismal  day. 

"  It's  dated  Boonboro— that's  three 
stations  east,"  Jim  explained,  and 
Danny  nodded.  * '  '  Mrs.  Bishop,  Com- 
mercial House,  Pikehaven.  Heard  by 
51 


Jim  Hickey 

accident  of  a  chance  in  Chicago  to  take 
out  another  company  booked  over  same 
route.  Train  was  just  leaving;  not 
time  to  say  good-by.  Have  sent  money 
to  hotel  to  pay  your  board  for  a  week. 
Will  join  you  tnere  soon.  Don't  worry. 
Couldn't  let  the  opportunity  escape. 
Love  to  you  and  the  baby.' 

Jim  stopped. 

"  Does  he  say  love  to  the  baby?  " 
Danny  asked  in  a  strange,  choked 
voice. 

"  He  does,"  Jim  answered  stolidly. 

"  My  patience!  "  Mrs.  Stump  said, 
"  husbands  is  queer  fish.  As  Ira  D. 
Sankey  puts  it, 

'A  husband  is  just  like  the  grass, 

The  grass  is  like  the  hay; 
He  may  be  here  to-morrow  but 
He  isn't  here  to-day ! ' 

The  idea  of  a  husband  rushin'  off  like 

that  without  even  tellin'  his  wife  and 

52 


The  Delayed  Telegram 


child  good-by,  fare  thee  well.    My  pa- 
tience! ' 

Amy  turned  from  the  window.  "  It 
wasn't  Sam's  fault,"  she  said  quietly. 
"  You  may  be  sure  he  wouldn't  leave 
baby  and  me  without  saying  good-by 
if  he  could  help  it.  Now  would  he, 
Jim?  " 

11  No,  indeed,  he  wouldn't,"  Jim  an- 
swered firmly. 

Danny  muttered  his  favorite  words 
and  turned  to  examine  intently  a  faded 
chromo  of  the  late  lamented  Peter 
Stump. 


53 


CHAPTER  FOURTH 

THE   INJUEED   STEANGEB 

'LL  have  to  stand  by  Amy 
and  the  kid,  that's  a  cinch, 
Danny!  '  Jim  said,  as 
they  walked  down  Pike- 
haven's  lonely  main  street 
that  afternoon. 

' '  If  I  could  only  sell  my 
new  and  original  sentimental  ballad!  " 
mused  Danny. 

' l  Have  you  been  at  the  pipe  again  ? ' ' 
asiked  Jim.  "  What  is  it  this  time, 
Danny,  one  of  those  home  and  mother 
symphonies?  ' 

"  No,"    answered   Danny;    "  it's    a 

new  idea.     I've  rung  father  in  for  a 

change.    Say,  if  I  could  get  DeKoven, 

or  Englander,   or  Victor  Herbert  to 

54 


The  Injured  Stranger 


glue  a  little  music  to  this  I  think  it 
would  be  immense.  I  call  it,  '  Do  You 
Remember,  Darling?  '  Pipe  the  keen, 
honest,  home-made  sentiment: 

Do  you  remember,  darling, 

What  your  memory  don't  forget? 
When  you  used  to  come  and  see  me 

In  the  parlor,  already  yet? 
Have  you  saved  a  recollection 

Of  that  by-gone  happy  day, 
When  we  munched  each  other's  peanuts 

And  threw  the  shells  away  ? 

"When  we  munched  each  other's  peanuts 
And  threw  the  shells  away. 

SECOND   SPASM. 

Do  you  remember,  darling, 

My  dear  old  Papa's  tide, 
When  he  fell  in  of  an  evening 

Through  the  parlor  door  so  wide? 
You  will  forget  much,  darling, 

Of  what  has  gone  between, 
But  you'll  remember  Papa 

And  his  bundle  of  benzine ! 

55 


Jim  Hickey 

But  you'll  remember  Papa 
And  his  bundle  of  benzine. 


THIRD   SPASM. 

Your  wages  then,  my  darling, 

Were  just  six  dollars  per; 
That  you  were  making  fifty 

You  fondly  would  infer. 
Then  Papa  dear  would  hear  you, 

And  twenty  cents  would  win 
With  which  to  buy  more  benzine 

To  help  his  tide  come  in. 

With  which  to  buy  more  benzine 
To  help  his  tide  come  in. 

11  No,  Danny."  Jim  shook  his  head. 
"  I  can't  stand  for  that— it's  too  much 
to  the  Oscaloosa  for  mine.  I'm  afraid 
your  lyrics  have  gout  in  the  feet. 
You're  a  shine  author,  Bud,  a  shine 
author." 

' '  Say, ' '  persisted  Danny,  * '  if  I  ever 
get  a  chance  to  sing  that  in  New  York 
56 


The  Iryured  Stranger 


I'll  be  crowned  the  Duke  of  Broadway, 
and  I  '11  have  my  initials  on  seven  auto- 
mobubbles.  It's  jealousy,  Jim;  it's 
jealousy  that's  making  your  heart  beat 
fast.  Pipe  this  little  society  bit  I  tore 
off  this  morning  just  after  breakfast. 
Why,  if  I  could  place  this  with  the 
right  kind  of  a  screech  owl  I'd  have 
Paul  Dresser  worried  down  to  two  hun- 
dred pounds  flat.  Pipe  the  heart  inter- 
est and  the  hidden  tears  in  this.  I  call 
it l  We  are  Divorced  My  Darling  Wife. ' 
Pipe  the  minor  chords  running  through 
the  words: 


The  house  was  decked  with  flowers  gay 

And  sweet  forget-me-nits — 
The  guests  were  all  assembled  and 

Their  clothes  were  perfect  fits! 
The  hushand  said,  "  Weep  not,  my  dear \ n 

His  voice  was  weak  and  hoarse; 
"  The  lawyer's  clerk  will  soon  be  here 

And  hand  us  our  divorce !  " 

57 


Jim  Hickey 

CHORUS. 

We  are  divorced,  my  darling  wife, 

But  we  shall  meet  again. 
I'm  true  to  all  the  girls,  and  you 

Be  true  to  all  the  men ! 
When  co-respondents  gather  round 

Oh!  please  remember  then 
We  are  divorced,  my  darling  wife, 

But  we  shall  meet  again. 

"  Nix,  Danny,"  laughed  Jim.  "  If 
we  wait  for  one  of  your  songs  to  buy 
us  a  breakfast  we'll  be  shoveling 
clouds  on  an  empty  stomach.  I  guess 
we'll  have  to  cut  out  the  lyrics  and 
grab  a  job.  Let's  hunt  up  the  station 
agent. ' ' 

1 '  Say,  Jim, ' '  assented  the  undaunted 
Danny,  "  that  station  agent  affair  is 
the  best  audience  I  ever  played  to. 
Maybe  he  knows  a  couple  of  brick- 
layers that  need  understudies— we'll 
go  on  for  them,  eh,  Jim?  " 
58 


The  Injured  Stranger 


"I'm  Freddie  with  the  eager  fists!  " 
Jim  agreed.  "  Anything  in  the  line 
of  honest  toil,  except  second-story 
work  or  porch  climbing,  for  yours 
very  sincerely.  We've  got  to  crowd 
enough  dollar  bills  together  to  get  that 
little  woman  and  her  kiddie  on  the 
train  for  Chicago.  How  about  it, 
Danny?  " 

"  Make  mine  the  same,  Jim,"  the 
other  answered.  Then  a  thought 
struck  him.  "  What  if  she  won't  go, 
Jim?  Seems  like  I  heard  somebody  in 
the  company  say  the  first  week  I  joined 
that  her  people  are  well  fixed,  and  that 
they  passed  her  up  when  she  ran  off 
to  marry  Sam  Bishop.  She's  proud, 
Jim,  and  I'll  bet  four  dollars  she  won't 
go  home  till  they  put  '  Welcome  '  in 
electric  lights  on  the  mat  in  the  vesti- 
bule." 

"  Well,  if  we  can  raise  the  price, 
59 


Jim  Hickey 

we'll  take  a  chance  on  that,  Danny," 
Jim  replied.  "  We  can't  leave  her 
here  on  the  prairie  and  let  Sam  Bishop 
win  the  trick,  can  we?  ' 

"  Not  in  a  thousand  years!  "  yelled 
Danny.  "  What!  Let  that  polish  win 
out  f  Well,  I  think  me  nay !  Come  on, 
Mercutio,  the  brick-yards  for  ours!  " 

At  the  depot  Jabe  Meade  greeted 
them  with  a  laugh  that  startled  the 
solemn  freight  cars  on  the  siding. 

"  I  was  telling  Major  Palmer  about 
you  two  cusses,"  he  chuckled.  "  'Spe- 
cially that  thar  fat  one— ha,  ha,  ha, 
ha!" 

'"  Who's  Major  Palmer?  "  Jim  in- 
quired. 

"  Richest  man  in  Pikehaven,"  Jabe 
answered,  looking  at  Danny  and  laugh- 
ing in  anticipation  of  another  story. 
"  Mortal  Caesar!  He's  got  more  money 
than  some  people  has  whiskers.  He 
60 


The  Injured  Stranger 


lives  in  that  big  stone  house  up  on  the 
hill,  t  'other  side  of  town.  He  was  down 
here  a  spell  ago  to  see  if  thar  was  any 
troupers  in  town,  and  when  I  told  him 
about  this  yer  fat  cuss  takin'  off  a 
Dutch  policeman  and  fallin'  so's  to 
bust  his  galluses,  dag  gone  if  the  Major 
didn't  near  explode— ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!  ' 

' '  What  did  the  Major  want  with  the 
troupers?  "  Jim  asked. 

"  He's  givin'  a  dag  gone  big  blow 
out  to-night,"  Jabe  replied.  "  Birth- 
day party  or  suthin'.  Mortal  Caesar! 
why  they's  people  comin'  from  all 
around.  Biggest  affair  Pikehaven's 
had  in  years.  Major  wanted  to  g'et 
some  troupers  to  go  up  thar  and  act 
out  for  the  benefit  of  his  guests.  Money 
ain't  no  object  to  him.  When  I  told 
him  about  you  two,  'specially  this  yer 
fat  cuss— ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!— Major  says, 
'  Send  'em  up  about  nine  o'clock,  and 
61 


Jim  Hickey 

le'me  know  if  I  can  depend  on  'em.' 
Will  you  go,  boys?  ' 

11  Tiddy  um,  tiddy  um,  tiddy  addy 
addy  iddy  um!  Aye  tiddy  addy  um, 
a  oodle  addy  aye!  "  warbled  Danny  in 
jig  time,  while  Jim  danced  all  over  the 
platform,  to  the  keen  delight  of  Jabe. 

Then  they  both  embraced  their 
' '  angel, ' '  and  declared  him  to  be  * '  the 
biggest  little  bit  of  all  right  they'd 
ever  met!  '  And  to  crown  Jabe's  joys 
Danny  told  him  comic  stories  till  the 
station  agent  crouched  panting  in  a 
corner  and  wheezed  out,  "  Mortal  Cae- 
sar! stop  it,  ye  fat  cuss,  stop  it!  I'll 
bust  my  b'iler,  sure!  " 

Major  Palmer's  "  social  event  "  was 
a  big  success  that  night,  and  everybody 
present  declared  that  Jim  and  Danny 
were  instrumental  in  adding  hugely  to 
the  evening's  gaiety. 

The  Major  was  delighted  with  them 


The  Iryured  Stranger 


both.  They  left  the  big  house  on  the 
hill  richer  by  fifty  dollars,  two  quart 
bottles  of  Pommery  and  enough  thanks 
and  compliments  to  make  their  ears 
tingle  for  a  month. 

"  Did  you  catch  me  handing  out  the 
invalid  gags  ?  ' '  Danny  grinned,  as  they 
hurried  to  the  hotel.  ' '  Say,  Jim,  when 
you  gave  that  imitation  of  Henry 
Dixey  imitating  Henry  Irving  I  almost 
imitated  a  fit." 

"  Why,  Danny,  wasn't  it  the 
goods?  " 

' '  Yes,  it  was  the  goods  all  right,  but 
you  delivered  the  wrong  package.  You 
looked  like  Ned  Harrigan  in  *  Old  Lav- 
ender,' and  you  talked  like  Richard 
Mansfield  in  '  Old  Heidelberg. ', ' ' 

"  Well,  Danny,  didn't  we  agree  to 
give  them  any  old  thing,  and  didn't  we 
get  the  coin,  all  right?  ' 

1 1  Did  we!  "  chortled  Danny.  "  Oh, 
63 


Jim  Hickey 

the  mazume,  the  spondools,  the  cush! 
Say,  if  Major  Palmer  is  a  self-made 
man  he's  certainly  a  good  steady 
worker,  for  he  turned  out  a  finished 
job." 

"  Do  we  take  Amy  and  the  kiddie 
to  Chicago,  and  do  we  have  the  car- 
fare left  to  hunt  up  her  people?  "  Jim 
bubbled  over  with  enthusiasm.  * '  Well, 
I  should  control  a  Trust!  And  this 
wine,  Danny,  the  Pommery  goes 
straight  to  Jabe  Meade,  the  Human 
Joke-hunter,  eh,  what!  " 

"  You  bet  it  does!  "  Danny  agreed. 
' '  That  lad  is  all  right,  if  he  does  laugh 
like  a  boiler  explosion.  Say,  Jim,  every 
time  I  think  of  the  dinner  we  sur- 
rounded at  the  Major's  house  I  feel 
like  going  back  and  apologizing  to  the 
cook." 

Jim  registered  their  name  with  a 
wondrous  flourish  at  The  Commercial 
64 


The  Injured  Stranger 


House,  and  asked  Harry  Slite,  the 
night  clerk,  if  he  had  a  double  room 
with  two  beds  and  what  was  the  rate 
per  day. 

1  i  I  believe  I  can  demonstrate  to  your 
satisfaction,"  Mr.  Slite  replied,  linger- 
ing lovingly  on  every  syllable,  "  that 
the  desired  shelter,  undeniably  com- 
fortable and  advantageously  located, 
will  be  immediately  forthcoming." 

"  Back  up!  '  whispered  Jim  to 
Danny.  "  Don't  break  off  any  bad 
grammar  or  the  professor  will  have  us 
pinched. ' ' 

Mr.  Slite  at  one  time  in  his  some~ 
what  uneventful  career  had  threatened 
to  become  a  novelist,  but  while  yet  not 
far  out  on  the  sea  of  literature  he  was 
rudely  buffeted  by  adverse  waves,  and 
the  billows  of  Destiny  finally  drove  him 
back,  back  into  the  office  of  a  third- 
rate  hotel  in  a  fourth-rate  town. 
65 


Jim  Hickey 

He  revenged  himself  on  Fate,  how- 
ever, by  showering  all  his  unprinted 
words  on  friend  or  foe  alike — words 
as  heavy  and  ponderous  as  the  rumble 
of  distant  artillery. 

"  What  did  you  say  the  rate  is?  " 
Jim  inquired. 

"  The  rate  per  diem  for  a  double 
room  with  two  beds  is  the  merely  nom- 
inal sum  of  three  dollars, ' '  Mr.  Slite  re- 
plied, with  a  flourish  of  the  left  hand, 
during  the  progress  of  which  the  little 
finger  stood  out  at  right  angles  to  its 
companions.  "  This,  I  assure  you, 
gentlemen,  is  not  extortionate  when 
one  considers  the  extreme  desirability 
of  the  apartment,  and  also  the  fact  that 
the  viands  set  before  the  traveller  in 
our  sumptuous  dining-hall  are  calcu- 
lated to  charm  the  palate  of  a  Lu- 
cullus. ' ' 

"  I  believe  you,  with  all  my  soul," 
66 


The  Injured  Strange? 


said  Jim;  "  but,  for  the  love  of  kip- 
pered herring,  cut  out  the  long  speeches 
and  come  down  to  cues.  Put  us  down 
for  a  sleeper  and  chain  the  dog— we 
may  be  late  in  rolling  in.  And,  say, 
Professor,  if  you  can  send  us  up  a  pit- 
cher of  ice-water  without  doing  a 
monologue  in  blank  verse,  do  so,  and 
oblige  yours  ever  devotedly,  the  Polar 
Brothers,  Bear  and  Forbear." 

Mr.  Slite  watched  them  in  dumb 
amazement  as  they  rushed  out  of  the 
office.  It  was  hours  later  before  he 
uttered  a  word  longer  than  two  syl- 
lables. 

When  they  presented  Jabe  with  the 
two  quarts  of  Pommery  as  a  token  of 
their  gratitude  his  thanks  took  the 
form  of  a  laugh,  which  for  noise  and 
duration  broke  all  records. 

"  I  knew  that  thar  fat  cuss  could 
act  out  on  top  of  a  parlor  floor  just  as 
67 


Jim  Hickey 

well  as  on  top  of  a  stage— ha,  ha,  ha, 
ha!  "  Jabe  bubbled  over.  "  Mortal 
Caesar!  did  you  cut  up  like  a  Dutch 
policeman  and  fall  on  yer  eyebrows? 
Say,  I'm  dag  gone  sorry  I'm  too  busy 
here  to  get  into  sassiety,  or  I'd  a'  been 
thar,  laffin'  fit  to  bust!  I'd  a'  been  thar, 
anyway,  sure's  shootin',  but  Maw  was 
ailin'  to-night,  and  I  had  to  nurse 
Flowery  between  trains." 

"  Flowery!  "  Jim  echoed,  puzzled. 

' '  Yes,  that 's  the  name  of  our  young- 
est little  gal, ' '  Jabe  explained.  l '  School 
teacher  told  Maw  that  some  poet  cuss 
took  and  written  a  piece  about  Flowery 
Meades,  so  Maw  says  they  ain't  no 
poet  can  write  anything  too  nice  for 
our  youngest,  so  we  christened  her 
Flowery  Meade.  Mortal  Caesar!  I'd 
like  to  have  that  fat  cuss  cut  up  some 
for  Maw  and  the  little  ones  when  she 
ain't  ailin'." 

68 


The  Injured  Stranger 


The  pleading!  note  in  Jabe's  voice 
went  straight  to  Danny's  sensitive 
heart,  and  when  he  promised  to  drop 
in  soon  and  "  cut  up  "  for  the  chil- 
dren there  were  tears  of  delight  in 
good  old  Jabe's  eyes. 

They  took  a  short  cut  back  to  the 
hotel,  going  through  a  vacant  lot  in 
the  rear  of  the  depot. 

"  Pipe,  Jim!  "  Danny  exlaimed  sud- 
denly. Jim,  deep  in  thought,  looked 
up  and  beheld,  not  fifty  feet  away,  three 
men  struggling  and  fighting  fiercely. 

Both  comedians  yelled  and  started 
quickly  for  the  combatants,  and  as  they 
did  so  one  man  dropped  like  a  log  to 
the  ground,  while  the  other  two  took 
to  their  heels,  and  were  speedily  lost 
sight  of  in  the  maze  of  freight  cars  in 
the  yard. 

Jim  and  Danny  knelt  down  by  the 
stricken  man.  '  *  He 's  out !  ' '  Jim  said. 
69 


Jim  Hickey 

"  It's  a  hold  up.  Gee!  Look  at  that 
crack  on  the  coco.  They've  been  try- 
ing to  move  the  furniture  out  of  his 
upper  story.  Quick,  Danny,  run  and 
get  Jabe,  and  we'll  carry  him  up  to  the 
hotel." 

Danny  was  off  as  fast  as  his  fat  legs 
would  carry  him.  Jim  unbuttoned  the 
unconscious  man's  collar  and  pillowed 
the  wounded  head  on  his  knee  till 
Danny  and  Jabe  came  hurrying  back. 

"  Mortal  Caesar!  "  cried  Jabe,  when 
he  knelt  down  to  look  at  the  stranger. 
"  I  saw  him  get  off  the  night  express 
that  pulled  out  just  afore  you  boys 
came  down.  He  walked  up  and  down 
for  exercise  like.  The  train  was  held 
up  here  a  few  minutes,  and  I  guess  he 
was  nervous.  I'll  bet  it  was  them  two 
dag  gone  tramps  I  saw  skulkin'  around 
the  yard  to-day— blast  'em!  ' 

They  carried  the  unfortunate  stran- 
70 


The  Injured  Stranger 


ger  to  The  Commercial  House,  and 
up  the  stairs  to  the  first  spare  room, 
much  to  the  astonishment  of  the 
learned  Mr.  Slite,  who,  at  Jim's  sug- 
gestion, rushed  next  door  and  aroused 
Dr.  Humphreys. 

Jim  and  Danny  bathed  the  wounded 
man's  head,  undressed!  him  and  had 
him  in  bed  before  the  doctor  arrived. 

"  It'll  be  serious  unless  we  can  get 
a  faithful  nurse,"  Dr.  Humphreys 
whispered,  after  a  careful  examination. 
"  His  skull  is  not  fractured,  but  the 
shock  was  extremely  severe,  and  he 
needs  careful  watching.  "Who  is  he?  " 

Jim  took  some  letters  from  the 
stranger's  coat  pocket  and  handed 
them  to  the  doctor,  who  examined  them 
and  exclaimed  presently,  "  Why,  it's 
Colonel  Harbell,  one  of  the  best  known 
men  on  the  Chicago  Board  of  Trade! 
Great  heavens!  how  did  this  happen?  ' 
71 


Jim  Hickey 

Jim  related  all  he  knew,  and  Danny 
supplemented  the  story  with  the  re- 
marks made  by  Jabe  Meade.  The  doc- 
tor bade  them  go  and  rest.  He  would 
stay  at  the  wounded  man's  bedside  for 
an  hour  or  two. 

In  the  hall  they  met  Mrs.  Stump, 
duly  impressed  by  Jabe 's  story.  ' '  Oh, 
ains't  it  dreadful!  "  she  cried^  "  As 
Ira  D.  Sankey  puts  it, 

'  In  the  midst  of  life  there  comes  the  strife, 
Perchance  the  crool  assassing's  knife ! ' 

I'm  thankful  that  Peter  Stump  ain't 
alive  this  night;  he'd  be  that  worried 
he  'd  surely  take  to  whiskey,  and  likker 
always  did  make  a  perfect  beast  of  him 
till  there  was  no  livin'  with  him.  The 
hand  of  Providence  is  surely  in  his 
takin'  off  before  this  horrible  night. 
The  poor  man!  Oh,  them  awful 
72 


The  Iiyured  Stranger 


tramps!  They  ought  to  be  a  law  pro- 
hibitin'  them  entirely.  Is  the  poor 
man  much  murdered?  " 

Just  then  Amy  came  out  of  her  room 
fully  dressed.  Mrs.  Stump  had  long 
since  awakened  her  and  told  her  the 
whole  story,  with  suchl  affecting  de- 
tails as  occurred  to  that  garrulous,  but 
kind-hearted  old  lady. 

' '  Jim,  I'm  sure  I  can  be  of  some  help 
to  the  doctor,"  Amy  said.  "  Eeally, 
I'm  a  good  nurse;  and  you'll  watch  the 
baby,  won't  you,  Danny?  " 

Danny  nodded  eagerly  and  the  dim- 
ples danced. 

"  We'll  see  what  the  doctor  says," 
Jim  replied,  and  he  led  the  way  quietly 
into  the  sick-room. 

"  Please,  may  I  help  you,  Doctor?  " 
Amy  whispered,  as  she  drew  near  the 
bed. 

Dr.  Humphreys  smiled  an  affirma- 
73 


Jim  Hickey 

tive,  and  Amy  leaned  over  to  look  at 
the  injured  stranger. 

The  next  instant  she  gasped  and  fell 
back  into  the  doctor's  arms,  but  in  an- 
other moment  she  pulled  herself  to- 
gether and  stood  erect,  brave  and 
^trong. 

"  He  is  my  father!  "  she  said  softly. 


"He  is  my  father,"  Amy  Said — Page  74 


CHAPTER  FIFTH 


THE  EUNAWAT   HOESE 

AIN'T  never  seen  the  beat 
of  that  young  woman 
sence  I  was  born,"  Mrs. 
Stump  exclaimed.  "  For 
three  hull  mortal  days 
now  she's  been  a'nussin' 
her  father  and  tendin'  to 
that  dear  baby;  and  how  she  keeps  so 
smilin'  and  cheerful  is  more'n  I  can 
answer  for.  As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts  it, 

'  A  daughter's  love  is  rich  and  rare 
No  matter  be  she  dark  or  fair ! ' 

My  patience!  the  hand  of  Providence 
was  surely  in  that  poor  man's  gettin' 
his  head  busted  right  where  a  lovin' 
daughter  could  nuss  him  back  to  con- 
volutions. ' ' 

75 


Jim  Hicltey 

11  Convalethenth, "  lisped  Marma- 
duke, somewhat  scathingly. 

"  That's  right,  Marmaduke,  display 
your  poor  Maw's  ignorance  just  be- 
cause she  ain't  glitterin'  all  over  with 
brains  like  you  be,"  she  said,  proud 
of  the  opportunity  to  audibly  admire 
her  firstborn. 

The  recipient  of  this  reproof  with 
praise  puffed  forth  a  cloud  of  cigarette 
smoke  and  said,  "  She  thirtenly  ith  a 
corker!  " 

Jim  Hickey  looked  up  from  the  let- 
ter he  was  writing  at  the  little  desk. 

"  Marmaduke!  '  his  mother  ex- 
claimed. "  My  patience!  I  do  hope  the 
spark  of  love  ain't  kindled  in  your 
boozum.  If  it  is,  then  you  must  pour 
forth  the  viles  of  your  wrath  upon  it 
and  put  it  out.  As  Ira  D.  Sankey  has  it, 

'Love  is  a  snake  that  comes  and  goes, 
Disturbin*  man  from  head  to  toes!' 
76 


That  means,  Marmaduke,  that  love  is 
nothin'  more  than  rheumatism  of  the 
nervous  system,  and  you  know  as  well 
as  I  do  that  you  ain't  fit  physically  to 
have  no  attackt  of  rheumatiz  right 
now. ' ' 

Jim  snickered  and  busied  himself 
over  his  letter.  Dr.  Humphreys  came 
bustling  down  from  the  sick  room. 

"  Mornin',  Doctor!  '  Mrs.  Stump 
greeted  him.  "  How's  your  patient 
this  mornin';  any  new  compensa- 
tions? " 

The  doctor  smiled.  "  Why,  he's  get- 
ting on  famously.  He'll  be  up  and 
about  in  less  than  a  week.  Such  kind 
attention  as  that  man  has  received  here 
couldn't  help  but  bring  about  a  speedy 
recovery.  I'm  sure,  Mrs.  Stump,  that 
Colonel  Harbell  will  never  forget  your 
devotion. ' ' 

"  My  patience!  "  the  good  old  lady 


Jim  Hickey 

exclaimed.  "  I  ain't  done  nothin'  but 
just  trapse  around  and  carry  and  fetch, 
and  the  like  of  that!  " 

The  doctor  dissented  vigorously. 
"  You've  been  a  ministering  angel, 
Mrs.  Stump— oh!  I  know  all  about  it! 
Night  and  day  you've  waited  and 
watched  with  kindness  unceasing.  The 
Colonel  knows  and  appreciates."  The 
doctor  turned  to  Jim.  "  Mr.  Hickey, 
in  all  my  experience  I  never  met  two 
young  men  more  thoughtful,  more  tact- 
ful than  you  and  Mr.  Dean. ' ' 

"  Tush,  Doc!  "  said  Jim,  coloring 
under  the  words.  "  Don't  peel  off  any 
vote  of  thanks  for  us.  We  just  stood 
by  the  speaking  tube  and  listened  for 
orders,  that's  all.  Cut  out  the  sugar 
talk,  Doc,  and  let  it  go  at  that.  It's 
my  belief  that  the  Colonel  is  so  glad 
he's  found  his  daughter  that  he  hasn't 
time  to  be  sick." 

78 


The  Runaway  Horse 


' '  My  patience !  and  I  was  right  there 
when  it  happened,"  Mrs.  Stump  in- 
formed them.  "  We  was  both  standin' 
by  the  bed  when  the  Colonel  opened  his 
eyes.  First  he  looked  at  me  but  he 
didn't  give  no  sign  that  he  knew  me, 
as  well  he  mightn't  'cause  I  never  seen 
the  man  afore  in  all  my  born  days. 
Then  his  eyes  rested  on  his  daughter 
for  a  moment  and  he  closed  'em  quick, 
just  .for  all  the  world  like  he  was  sayin' 
to  himself,  *  I'm  dreamin'  this!  '  Then 
he  opened  them  again  and  seen  she  was 
still  there.  '  Amy, '  he  whispered,  very 
gentle.  '  Yes,  father,'  says  she,  '  it's 
your  disobedient  little  girl  come  back 
again.  You  are  sick,  but  I'm  going  to 
stay  right  here  and  nuss  you!  '  They 
was  tears  in  his  eyes  now,  but  they  was 
happy  tears.  Then  she  took  his  hand 
in  hers  and  petted  him  like,  and  he 
went  to  sleep  like  a  baby.  My  patience! 
79 


Jim  Hickey 

that  reminds  me,  I  must  get  some  fresh 
milk  and  oatmeal  for  that  little  boy 
child!  " 

The  doctor  went  his  smiling  way  and 
Jim  joined  Danny  who  sat  outside  on 
the  sidewalk,  amusing  Amy's  little  boy 
by  singing  in  his  sweet  though  husky 
voice  a  song  of  his  own  composition. 

"  It's  one  I  cooked  up  this  morn- 
ing," Danny  explained.  "  It's  meant 
for  a  swift  slap  at  the  woozy  coon  songs 
and  I'm  trying  it  on  the  kid.  If  Li'l 
Bill  doesn't  quit  me  before  I  get 
through  it's  a  sign  that  it  will  be  a 
seller.  I  call  it  '01'  Friends  Am 
Best.'  Pipe  the  close  harmony  in  the 
vamp: 

Doan't  want  fo'  to  sing  dem  songs  dat's  new, 

I  kain't,  mah  honey,  I  kain't ! 
Fo'  de  words  am  strange  an'  de  chunes  ain't 
true, 

Ain't  true,  no,  honey,  dey  ain't. 

80 


The  Runaway  Horse 


So  I  sings  yo'  to  sleep  wif  de  same  ol'  song 

Dat  I  sung  long  time  ergo, 
An*  er  Sandman  comin'  right  erlong,  right 
erlong, 

When  I  sing  erbout  01'  Black  Joe: 

"  Gone  am  de  days  when  mah  heart  was  light 

an'  gay; 
Gone   am   de   fren's  from   de   cotton   fiel's 

erway; 

Gone  one  an  all  to  a  better  Ian'  I  know — 
I   hear   dem    angel    voices    calVn'    ol'    black 
Joe!' 

Doan'  like  fo'  to  sing  dem  songs  dat's  new, 

Dey's  trash,  yes,  honey,  dess  trash ! 
Dey's  full  of  bad  mokes  an'  gals  named  Lou, 

An'  you  hear  dem  razzer  blades  clash. 
So  I  sings  yo'  to  sleep  wif  a  good  ol'  chune, 

An'  yo'  noddin'  yo'  cu'ly  li'l  head, 
Kase  we  has  no  use  fo'  a  sassy  young  coon, 

When  we  recollec'  01'  Uncle  Ned: 

"Den  it's  hang  up  de  fiddle  an'  de  bow — oh 

—oh! 

Lay  down  de  shovel  an'  de  hoe; 
Fo'  dah's  no  mo'  work  fo'  po'  Uncle  Ned 
Kase  he's  gone  wah  de  good  dahkies  go !  " 

81 


Jim  Hickey 

Doan'  want  fo'  to  sing  dem  songs  dat's  new, 

Dey's  low-down,  honey,  an'  cheap; 
Dey  make  yo'  blush  an'  dey  scare  yo',  too; 

Den  yo'  never  gwiner  git  to  sleep. 
Be  Sandman  hates  dem — toP  me  so 

Las'  time  dat  he  came  eroun; 
01'  f ren's  am  bes' — den  hesh  a  bye  low 

Kase  Massa's  in  de  col',  col'  groun' : 

"Down  in  de  co'nfieF 
Hear  dat  mo'nful  souri ! 
All  de  dahkies  am  a-weepin' — 
Massa's  in  de  col',  col'  groun' I" 

The  little  lad  listened  eagerly  to  the 
very  last  note  and  Danny's  delight 
knew  no  bounds. 

"It's  a  cinch,"  Jim,  he  chuckled; 
"  that's  what  the  public  wants— didn't 
you  pipe  Li'l  Bill  staying  right  along 
till  the  curtain  fell!  Me  for  a  music 
foundry  with  that  bit  of  work  the  mo- 
ment we  hit  a  burg  with  grown-up 
buildings. ' ' 

* '  It 's  all  right,  Danny, ' '  Jim  agreed. 
82 


"It's  the  best  piece  of  goods  you  have 
on  the  counter  and  maybe  you  could 
sing  it  in  public  without  a  net!  ' 

"  Nice  song,  nice  Danny,"  gravely 
commented  Li'l  Bill,  and  Jim's  opinion 
counted  for  nothing. 

Pikehaven's  principal  thoroughfare 
slept  under  an  October  sun  which  was 
exerting  all  its  efforts  to  be  bright  and 
warm. 

"'Well,  Danny/  said  Jim,  after  a 
long  pause,  "  those  tramps  made  it 
easy  sledding  for  us,  even  if  they  did 
write  their  autographs  on  the  Colonel's 
head  with  their  night  sticks!  I'll  bet 
he'd  stand  up  and  take  another  knock- 
out just  to  show  how  glad  he  is  to  find 
Amy." 

Danny  grinned  and  danced  "  Li'l 
Bill  ' '  on  his  fat  knee,  while  the  young- 
ster chuckled  and  said,  "  Danny  p'ay 
hossy!  gallup'm!  gallup'm!  ' 
83 


Jim  Hickey 

tl  I  guess  we  can  give  the  signal  and 
pull  out  of  here  in  a  day  or  two,  Dan- 
ny! "  Jim  said  after  a  pause. 

Danny  sighed  deeply  and  "  played 
horse"  vigorously  to  "  Li'l  Bill's  " 
evident  delight. 

"  We'd  better  hike  "West,  don't  you 
think  so,  Danny?  " 

Danny  nodded. 

11  Maybe  we  can  catch  on  in  St. 
Louis.  They'll  need  a  couple  of  good 
actors  like  us  out  there  toi  give  (the 
Drama  a  boost  during  the  Exposition. 
If  the  managers  give  us  the  ice-cream 
salve,  and  put  the  saucy  boots  to  us, 
maybe  we  can  catch  on  down  the  Pike 
and  play  dates  manicuring  the  camels. 
Anyway,  we  have  our  health,  Danny, 
and  we  could  make  sandwich  money  in 
front  of  a  hootchy-kooch  palace,  bark- 
ing at  the  Kubes !  ' 

Danny  busied  himself  with  the 
84 


The  Runaway  Horse 


baby's  prattle  and  paid  no  heed  to  the 
glories  of  the  future  which  Jim  was 
painting  so  artistically. 

"  Besides,"  Jim  went  on,  "  there's 
a  certain  hard-boiled  clam  out  that  way 
who  deserves  our  united  attention.  I 
want  to  meet  that  Bishop  crab  justt 
once  more  and  hand  him  my  kindest 
regards  with  a  spike  in  the  centre. 
How  about  you,  Danny?  ' 

"  Hellsdelight!  "  yelled  Danny, 
whereupon  the  baby  looked  up  at 
him  in  two-year  old  amazement.  "  It 
certainly  would  refresh  my  spirits  to 
move  a  piano  across  the  floor  of  that 
man's  face!  " 

Jim  laughed.  "  Say,  Danny,  why 
don't  you  go  to  the  room  and  lie  down 
a  bit.  You've  been  up  half  the  night 
and  a  few  paragraphs  of  sleep  won't 
spoil  your  complexion— go  on!  You 
for  the  pillows!  " 

85 


Jim  Hickey 

11  Who'll  take  care  of  Li'l  Bill?  " 
Danny  asked. 

"  I  will!  "  said  Jim. 

"  You!  "  contemptuously  from  Dan- 
ny. ' '  What  do  you  know  about  taking 
care  of  kids?  ' 

"I'd  like  to  know  how  you  got  so 
well  up  in  the  part?  "  Jim  retorted 
with  a  pretence  of  scorn.  "  You're  a 
fine  understudy  for  a  nurse-maid,  you 
are!  It's  a  pity  you  couldn't  have  used 
some  of  that  ability  on  a  home  prod- 
uct! " 

Danny 's  eyes  were  on  the  child  whom 
he  now  held  cuddled  up  in  his  arms. 

"  I  did  once,  Jim!  "  he  said  quietly. 
* ;  Long  before  I  ever  met  you.  He  was 
only  this  little  fellow's  age  when  the 
angels  called  him  in  off  the  road.  In 
less  than  two  weeks  his  mother  fol- 
lowed him  Up  Above,  to  help  the  angels 
look  after  him.  I  guess  I  wasn't  good 
86 


The  Runaway  Horse 


enough  to  go  'long,  too,  Jim,  but  I 
wanted  to  then,  and  I've  wanted  to 
many's  the  time  since." 

1  i  Forgive  me,  Danny, ' '  Jim  pleaded, 
with  unsteady  voice.  ' '  You  never  told 
me,  and,  and— I  was  only  joshing, 
Danny! ' 

Danny  looked  up  and  smiled.  "  It's 
the  only  memory  I  have,  Jim,  and  I 
was  too  fond  of  it  to  put  it  up  on  the 
bulletin  board.  It's  all  right,  old  pal; 
you  didn't  hurt  my  feelings  any.  You 
go  on  in  and  sleep;  I'm  going  to  stay 
here  with  Li'l  Bill.  Don't  you  know 
that  a  child  must  have  an  hour  in  the 
sun  every  day?  Exit,  Jim,  exit  up- 
stairs, left— and  exit  laughingly!  " 

Without  a  word  Jim  went  into  the 
hotel,  and  Danny  romped  with  the 
baby  until  that  diminutive  individual 
chuckled  himself  into  an  attack  of  hic- 
coughs. 

87 


Jim  Hickey 

An  hour  passed  by  and  Pikehaven 
still  slumbered  beneath  the  October 
sun.  The  universal  spirit  of  somno- 
lency presently  crept  insinuatingly 
over  Danny's  tired  eyes  and  he  nodded, 
nodded,  while  the  baby  wandered  away 
open-eyed  and  bent  on  discovery. 

Finally  Nature  and  the  sleep  gods 
won  the  fight  and  Danny,  leaning  back 
in  his  chair  with  his  head  on  the  win- 
dow-sill, slept  on. 

Li'l  Bill  toddled  out  into  the  dusty 
street  and,  gurgling  with  delight,  sat 
down  to  .study  the  formation  of  certain 
sticks  and  stones  at  closer  range. 

Suddenly  the  peace  was  broken  by  a 
series  of  shouts  far  up  the  street.  The 
sleepers  in  the  marts  of  commerce 
which  lined  Pikehaven 's  main  street 
awoke  and  gazing  out  of  doors  added 
their  drowsy  shouts  to  the  increasing 
din. 

88 


A  man  rushed  out  and  grabbed 
for  the  horse  !— Page  89 


The  Runaway  Horse 


"  A  runaway!  a  runaway!  ' 

A  big  black  horse,  dragging  a  wildly 
careening  runabout,  came  tearing  mad- 
ly down  the  street,  his  nostrils  dis- 
tended, his  flanks  all  foam-bedecked 
and  his  eyes  rolling  with  frenzy. 

Directly  in  the  terror-driven  horse's 
pathway  sat  the  crooning  child,  piling 
stick  upon  stick  and  stone  upon  stone 
in  his  baby  effort  to  build  a  house. 

Nearer  and  nearer  came  the  infuri- 
ated horse,  now  made  more  desperate 
by  the  ever  increasing  noise  of  the 
on-lookers.  Pikehaven  was  awake.  A 
man  rushed  out  and  grabbed  for  the 
horse's  head  but  the  big  animal 
swerved,  whereupon  the  would-be  hero 
retired  gladly  and  took  his  place  again 
in  the  humble  ranks  of  the  shouters. 

The  rushing  avalanche  of  horse-flesh 
was  but  a  short  block  from  the  prat- 
tling baby  when  Danny  awoke  to  the 
89 


Jim  Hickey 

shouting.  With  a  rush  his  senses  re- 
turned to  him  and  the  impending  hor- 
ror was  blood-red  in  his  eyes. 

At  the  same  moment  Jim  had  hurried 
to  the  open  window  of  their  room  on  the 
second  floor.  One  glance  developed  the 
panorama  of  evil  and  with  the  agility 
of  a  cat  he  was  out  the  window  and 
half  climbed,  half  fell  into  the  street. 

The  wondering  child  was  lifted  from 
beneath  the  very  feet  of  the  furious 
horse,  but  just  as  Danny  turned  one  of 
the  shafts  of  the  runabout  struck  him 
in  the  side.  He  fell  headlong  but  not 
before  Jim  had  grabbed  from  his  arms 
the  now  thoroughly  frightened  little 
lad. 

The  horse  dashed  on,  a  wheel  of  the 
runabout  passing  over  Danny's  still 
body,  and  then,  as  though  satisfied  with 
his  sport,  permitted  himself  to  be 
caught  two  blocks  away. 
90 


The  Runaway  Horse 


The  low  comedian  opened  his  eyes 
and  looked  about  him  wildly.  u  Li'l 
Bill!  "  he  asked  weakly,  "  is  he  safe?  " 
Before  they  could  tell  him  he  sighed 
and  fainted  again. 

Tender  hands  lifted  Danny  and  car- 
ried him,  all  blood-bedabbled,  to  has 
room. 


91 


CHAPTER  SIXTH 

THE  TWO  PALS 

JABE  MEADE  ran  up  from 
the  depot  to  the  hotel  that 
evening  to  get  the  story 
direct  from  headquarters. 
Mannaduke  Stump  con- 
sumed three  cigarettes 
and  lispingly  related  his 
version  of  the  event  with  a  view  to 
annexing  some  of  the  glory.  As  a  re- 
sult of  the  rather  selfish  motive  under- 
lying the  endeavor,  Marmaduke's  story 
consisted  mainly  of  a  detailed  descrip- 
tion of  the  carrying  of  Danny  upstairs, 
wherein  the  narrator  made  himself  the 
central  figure  and  invited  the  kind  ap- 
plause of  his  audience. 

Jabe  was  chary  with  his  words  of 
92 


The  Two  Pals 

approval,  however,  so  the  pale  youth 
dismissed  his  listener  with  a  disdainful 
wave  in  the  direction  of  Mr.  Slite,  the 
night  clerk. 

Mr.  Slite 's  story  was  more  complete 
with  regard  to  statistics,  but  it  did  not 
appeal  very  strongly  to  Jabe  Meade  for 
the  reason,  perhaps,  that  he  understood 
only  about  one  word  in  ten. 

"  The  preponderance  of  evidence," 
Mr.  Slite  began,  "  proves  almost  con- 
clusively that  the  quadruped  was 
driven  into  a  state  of  mental  disorder 
by  the  sudden  appearance  in  its  imme- 
diate neighborhood  of  a  comparatively 
small  piece  of  torn  newspaper  which 
fluttered  hither  and  thither  on  the  au- 
tumnal breezes,  causing  the  animal  to 
become  so  perturbed  mentally  that  he 
dashed  madly  onward." 

"  Mortal  Caesar!  "  murmured  Jabe, 
awed  by  the  rumble  of  the  syllables. 
93 


Jim  Hickey 

"  It  happened,  unfortunately,"  Mr. 
Slite  continued,  "  that  the  child  of  one 
of  our  esteemed  guests  had  unwit- 
tingly precipitated  itself  upon  terra 
firma,  right  in  the  course  of  the  onrush- 
ing  equine.  Providentially,  however, 
for  the  child,  another  of  our  esteemed 
guests,  a  gentleman  of  much  physical 
courage,  hurried  to  the  rescue  and 
dragged  the  youthful  one,  uninjured, 
from  the  very  gates  of  Inferno,  and  in 
so  doing  was  himself  hurled  to  the 
earth  and  rendered  Tiors  du  combat!" 

"  Sufferin'  Mortal  Caesar!  '  ex- 
claimed the  impressed  Jabe.  "  Did 
that  thar  fat  cuss  get  all  that  done  to 
him!  Gosh!  that's  tough!  And  he  cer- 
t'n'ly  was  a  hull  circus  to  hisself,  dag 
gone  if  he  wasn't.  I'm  that  sorry  I 
ain't  got  the  words  to  tell  it."  Jabe 
turned  and  found  Mrs.  Stump  at  his 
elbow. 

94 


The  Two  Pals 

' '  Is  that  you,  Jabe, ' '  she  said.  ' '  My 
patience!  I  was  just  sayin'  to  Mrs. 
Bishop,  and  her  a  'cryin '  over  her  baby 
that  wasn't  even  scratched,  that  Provi- 
dence has  certainly  saw  fit  to  shower 
its  blessing's  on  us  in  the  way  of  ex- 
citement. As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts  it  so 
beautiful, 

'  Lives  of  great  men  all  remind  us 
Trouble's  brewin'  right  behind  us ! ' 

That  was  always  a  favorite  proverb  of 
your  (father's,  Marmaduke.  Many  a 
time  I've  heerd  him  sayin'  it  just  afore 
some  dead  beat  walked  off  without  pay- 
ing for  his  night's  lodgin'.  Did  you 
ever  see  such  a  eppydemic  of  doings 
as  we've  had  here  lately,  Jabe?  My 
patience!  I  won't  be  surprised  at  noth- 
in'  no  more.  Pikehaven's  gettin'  to 
be  a  regular  Mettrollypus  with  its  hold- 
ups and  runaways  and  the  like  of  that. 
95 


Jim  Hickey 

You  can't  tell  me  we  hadn't  ought  to 
have  policemen  with  brass  buttons 
paradin'  around— my  patience!  '• 

"  How's  the  fat  cuss?  "  Jabe  man- 
aged to  ask. 

"  Bad,"  she  answered.  "  Doctor 
says  it's  serious.  He  has  delirium  tre- 
mens!  ' 

"  Just  delirium,  Maw!  "  corrected 
Marmaduke.  ' '  People  thath  struck  by 
a  runaway  horth  don't  have  trementh, 
only  delirium!  ' 

"  My  patience!  that's  so,  Marma- 
duke I  ' '  she  agreed.  ' '  Your  poor  Paw 
used  always  to  favor  havin'  the  tre- 
mens  with  his  delirium,  so  that's  how 
I  got  it  mixed." 

In  the  meantime  Jim  sat  watching 
by  the  bedside  of  the  stricken  Danny. 

Dr.  Humphreys  had  gone  with  the 
promise  of  a  speedy  return.  Jim 
thought  over  all  the  doctor  had  said 
96 


The  Two  Puts 

but  could  find  few  crumbs  of  comfort. 
Danny  was  in  a  bad  way. 

Jim  looked  out  complaininglyinto  the 
gathering  night.  So  this,  then,  was  to 
be  the  finish,  he  thought.  Good  old 
Danny!  they  had  chummed  it  together 
for  many  a  season,  and  now! 

Deep  shadows  came  into  the  room 
and  took  their  stations  in  the  far  cor- 
ners. The  spirit  of  dread  stared  wild- 
eyed  at  Jim  through  the  gloom  but  as 
he  raised  his  eyes  he  could  see  the  tiny 
windows  of  Heaven  opening,  and  one 
by  one  the  trembling  stars  came  forth. 

Fever-driven  Danny  had  tossed  and 
moaned  unceasingly  but  now  the  dark- 
ness seemed  to  soothe  him  for  he  lay 
very  still. 

Presently  the  sick  comedian's  eyes 
opened  and  he  whispered  weakly. 

In  an  instant  Jim  was  leaning  over 
him,  "  Yes,  Danny,  lad!  >: 
97 


Jim  Hickey 

"  Li'l  Bill,  is  he  safe?  " 

"  Sure,  Danny;  he's  all  to  the  good. 
He  didn't  even  whimper.  But  the  doc- 
tor says  you  must  lie  still,  Beau,  and 
we'll  get  you  mended  nicely  in  a  day 
or  two!  " 

11  Jim,  I'm  up  against  it!  ': 

"  Tush,  Danny,  it's  only  a  phony 
knock-out.  You're  not  going  to  take 
the  count,  don't  worry!  ' 

' '  Jim, ' '  Danny  insisted  in  the  weak- 
est of  whispers ;  * '  I  feel  all  tangled  up. 
Did  the  Doc.  say  I'd  have  to  ring 
down?  " 

"  No,  Danny;  but  he  said  you  must 
do  a  thinking  part.  The  talky-talk  puts 
you  over  on  Woozy  Avenue!  Rest 
easy,  you're  not  going  to  speak  the  tag, 
yet,  my  old  chum!  ' 

"  Jim!  " 

"Yes,  Danny!  " 

"  Doc.  means  all  right,  but  he  don't 
98 


The  Two  Pals 

know.  I  feel  as  though  I'm  slipping 
away  from  you;  would  you  mind  hold- 
ing on  to  my  hand,  Jim1?  I  saw  Her 
a  while  ago  and  she  smiled  just  like  she 
used  to,  Jim,  and  she  says,  *  Danny, 
we've  been  sitting  by  the  gate  waiting 
for  you  this  ever  and  ever  so  long!  J 
And  I  saw  the  little  boy,  too,  Jim,  but 
when  he  beckoned  to  me  the  lights 
grew  dim  and  somebody  let  down  a  big, 
black  curtain." 

Jim's  eyes  were  wet  with  tears. 

"  I  '11  pull  out  the  next  time  they  call 
me,  Jim,  and  I'll  tell  you  when  I  see 
them,  so  you  can  let  go  my  hand.  You 
won't  mind,  will  you,  old  friend?  She 
was  always  so  timid  and  she's  afraid 
to  go  'round  without  me." 

"  Hush,  Danny,  please!  '  Jim 
pleaded. 

"  It's  all  right,  Jim,  I  won't  talk," 
Danny  sighed. 

99 


Jim  Hickey 

The  cheap  clock  on  the  bureau  ticked 
on  noisily  through  the  darkness. 

Danny  stirred  again  and  whispered, 
11  Jim,  that  big  curtain  worries  me. 
Do  you  think  God  has  me  on  the  black 
list  and  won't  let  me  join  her  and  the 
little  boy?  " 

"  No,  Danny;  please  don't,"  Jim 
whispered  back. 

"  You  don't  think  God  would  give 
me  my  notice  just  because  I  interpo- 
lated a  lot  of  shine  talk  in  the  part  He 
gave  me  to  play,  do  you,  Jim?  ' 

"  No,  Danny;  try  to  sleep,  like  a 
good  old  pal,"  Jim  urged. 

11  Jim!  " 

"  Yes,  Danny!  " 

"  Could  you  do  a  bit  of  a  prayer, 
Jim;  it  might  take  that  curtain  up 
again. ' ' 

Jim  tried  to  make  light  of  the  re- 
quest. "I'm  afraid  I'd  fluff,  Danny, 
100 


The  Two  Pals 

I  haven 't  been  cast  for  a  part  like  that 
since  I  was  a  kid  and  I  don't  believe 
I  could  make  good." 

"  Can't  you  say  Now  I  Lay  Me!  " 
pleaded  Danny. 

Jim  knelt  by  the  bedside.  "  Please, 
God, ' '  he  said  brokenly ;  '  *  please  don 't 
get  critical,  because  I'm  fishing  for 
lines  and  there  isn't  any  prompt  book 
here  to  put  me  next.  God,  please,  if 
Danny  is  booked  in  Heaven  won't  You 
cancel  his  dates  for  a  while  and  let 
him  play  here  with  me,  because  it  '11  be 
so  lonely  without  him.  I  know  I'm 
selfish,  God;  but  mother  used  to  tell 
me  that  You  are  all  love  and  gentle- 
ness, and  You'll  forgive  me  and  let 
Danny  stay,  won't  you,  God!  Danny 
never  did  anyone  a  wrong  in  all  his  life, 
and  You  have  so  many  like  him  up  there 
with  You  that  he  can  be  excused  for  a 
while,  can't  he,  God!  I  know  I'm  only 
101 


Jim  Hickey 

a  piker  at  praying,  but  if  You'll  let 
Danny  be  witb  me  for  a  while  we'll 
both  get  up  in  our  lines  and  do  the 
square  thing,  and— and— and— I'm  all 
in— amen!  ' 

' '  Now  I  Lay  Me, ' '  whispered  Danny. 

Jim  brushed  the  tears  away  and  went 
on,  "  Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep,  I 
pray  the  Lord  my  soul  to  keep.  If  I 
should  die  before  I  wake  I  pray  the 
Lord  my  soul  to  take— amen!  ' 

Jim  buried  his  face  in  the  coverlet 
and  sobbed  like  a  child.  Through  the 
darkness  Danny  put  out  his  hand  and 
patted  Jim  on  the  head. 

Then  silence  fell,  while  the  faint  light 
of  the  stars  came  through  the  window 
and  sought  to  comfort  them. 


102 


CHAPTER   SEVEN 

THE   CUETAIN  FALLS 

JHEN  Jim  with  heavy  eyes 
looked  up  Dr.  Humphreys 
was  smiling. 

"  He's    sleeping,"    the 
doctor   said;   "  the  fever 
has  gone  down  and  we'll 
pull     him     through     all 
right." 

With  a  heart  grown  suddenly  light 
Jim  hurried  off  to  tell  the  good  news 
to  Amy  and  Colonel  Harbell.  That  they 
were  both  pleased  goes  without  saying, 
for  Danny  occupied  a  very  high  place 
in  their  good  graces. 

Colonel  Harbell 's  wound  proved  not 
at  all  serious  and  soon  yielded  to  treat- 
103 


Jim  Hickey 

merit.  The  fact  that  he  had  found  his 
daughter  added  so  much  to  his  peace 
of  mind  that  his  recovery  was  quick 
indeed. 

Jim  Hickey  took  the  first  opportu- 
nity to  tell  Colonel  Harbell  all  about 
Sam  Bishop  and  his  cowardly  act  of 
desertion.  The  Colonel  was  furious  and 
wanted  to  put  detectives  on  the  trail 
of  the  missing  manager,  but  Jim 
pointed  out  that  such  a  plan  would 
only  bring  shame  and  sorrow  upon 
Amy. 

"  He's  a  kite,"  Jim  said  to  the 
Colonel.  "  He  'a  up  in  the  air  now  but 
he 's  got  to  bump  sooner  or  later.  Pass 
him  up,  Colonel,  and  try  to  side-step 
when  Amy  gets  curious  about  him. 
She  thinks  he 's  still  in  Chicago  because 
I've  been  cooking  an  occasional  tele- 
gram so's  to  keep  her  from  getting 
restless." 

104 


The  Curtain  Falls 


11  What  do  you  mean,  Jim?  "  the 
Colonel  asked  in  amazement. 

Jim  told  him  how,  with  the  kindly 
connivance  of  Jabe  Meade,  he  had 
manufactured  telegrams  which  bore  all 
the  earmarks  of  having  been  sent  from 
Chicago  by  Sam  Bishop  to  his  wife  in 
Pikehaven. 

"  It  kept  her  from  beating  tattoos," 
Jim  explained.  "  If  Jabe  and  I  hadn't 
kept  the  wires  hot  she  would  have 
walked  up  Foolish  Street  long  ago.  She 
doesn't  know  what  we  know,  Colonel, 
and  it 's  up  to  you  to  stand  between  her 
and  the  megaphone  as  long  as  you  can. 
She  still  believes  Sam  Bishop  to  be  the 
real  slice  of  cake,  so  you  want  to  let 
her  keep  on  thinking  that  way  until 
the  opportunity  is  ripe  to  put  her  wise, 
but  not  just  yet,  Colonel. ' ' 

"  You're  right,  Jim,"  the  Colonel 
agreed. 

105 


Jim  Hickey 

"  The  sooner  you  get  her  back  with 
the  old  folks  once  again  in  Chicago  the 
easier  it'll  be  to  throw  the  sledge  at 
that  Bishop  onion,"  Jim  went  on. 
"  There's  no  place  like  home,  Colonel; 
and  I  ought  to  know  because  I  never 
had  one." 

11  We'll  not  stir  one  step  from  this 
town,  Jim,  until  our  good  friend,  Dan- 
ny, is  on  his  feet,  and  that 's  flat !  ' '  the 
Colonel  said  emphatically.  "  You  boys 
stood  by  us  and  we'll  stand  by  you — 
well,  rather!  ' 

A  week  went  by.  Danny's  progress 
along  the  road  to  health  was  rapid. 
One  thing  worried  and  fretted  him, 
however,  and  that  was  the  fact  that  he 
had  proven  false  to  his  trust  and  had 
dropped  asleep  instead  of  carefully 
watching  his  little  charge. 

He  said  as  much  to  Mrs.  Stump  who 
sat  by  his  bedside  one  afternoon. 
106 


The  Curtain  Falls 


.  i 


My  patience!  "  the  old  lady  ex- 
claimed; "  don't  let  that  worry  you. 
As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts  it. 

'  Sleep  hath  the  gift  of  sweet  restoring 
And  no  man  knoweth  when  he's  snoring ! ' 

Many's  the  time  I've  woke  up  in  the 
night  and  kept  a'sayin'  that  proverb 
to  Peter  Stump  till  he  flopped  over  and 
ceased  to  repine  through  his  nostrils. 
No,  Mr.  Danny,  they  ain't  no  call  for 
you  to  be  flustered  acause  you  took  a 
cat-nap  after  nussin'  and  tendin'  the 
wounded  and  the  afflicted  all  the 
blessed  night.  As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts 
it, 

'Be  thou  as  ehaste  as  ice  or  snow, 
The  world  don't  want  to  have  thee  so ! ' 

The  meaning  of  that  is,  Mr.  Danny,  that 

they's  always  a  passel  of  fools  in  the 

world  ready  to  find  fault  with  them  as 

107 


Jim  Hickey 

does  accordin'  to  Nature.  I'd  just  like 
to  hear  somebody  say  in  my  presence 
that  you  exceeded  your  duty  when  you 
took  them  forty  winks— my  patience! 
The  ways  of  Providence  is  past  all  find- 
in'  out  and  they  ain't  no  doubt  in  my 
mind  but  that  fool  hoss  was  sent  a'gal- 
lopin'  and  cavortin'  over  your  carcass 
as  some  kind  of  a  blessin'  in  disguise. 
Peter  Stump  were  a  blessin'  in  disguise 
till  he  took  to  drinkin'  likker  and  then 
the  disguise  dropped  from  him  as  the 
lily  of  the  field  drops  before  the  reaper 
whose  name  is  Death.  As  Ira  Sankey 
puts  it, 

'  Man  that  is  born  of  woman  kind 
Must  toe  the  scratch  and  never  mind ! ' 

My  patience!  you  ain't  got  no  call  to 
worry  about  such  trifles.  If  I  was  you 
I'd  just  glory  in  that  cat-nap,  seein'  as 
how  the  child  is  safe,  and  you  ain't  so 

108 


The  Curtain  Falls 


bunged  up  you  can 't  swaller  a  bowl  full 
of  my  beef  tea.  Peter  Stump  just  loved 
my  make  of  soups  and  the  like  of  that. 
I've  seen  that  poor  man  drink  himself 
into  a  stupor  just  so's  he  could  be  sick 
enough  the  next  day  to  have  me  feed 
him  beef  tea  with  a  spoon." 

Mrs.  Stump  paused  and  glanced  at 
her  audience  and  when  she  saw  that 
Danny  was  peacefully  sleeping  under 
the  influence  of  her  oratory,  she  sighed 
and  tiptoed  out  of  the  room. 

Thanks  to  the  untiring  thoughtful- 
ness  of  Amy,  Dr.  Humphreys,  Jim  and 
Mrs.  Stump  and  the  Colonel,  to  say 
nothing  of  Li'l  Bill,  Danny's  strength 
soon  returned. 

The  Colonel  and  Jim  were  with  him 
when  for  the  first  time  the  doctor  per- 
mitted Danny  to  walk  around  the  room. 

"  I  want  you  boys  to  come  with  me 
to  Chicago,"  the  Colonel  said,  "  and 
109 


Jim  Hickey 

I'm  not  prepared  to  take  no  for  an 
answer,  either." 

Jim  laughed,  "  Sorry,  Colonel,  but 
we're  due  in  St.  Louis,  eh,  Danny?  ' 

' '  Sure,  rehearsals  begin  right  away, ' ' 
grinned  Danny.  "  We  open  in  three 
weeks  with  the  Co.  that 's  playing  '  The 
Splinter  In  the  Elbow.'  I  play  the 
splinter  and  the  manager  gives  us  both 
the  elbow  on  pay  night." 

11  And  I'm  due  to  sing  that  new  and 
touching  ballad  entitled,  '  Peeping 
Through  the  Knot-hole  in  Papa's 
Wooden  Leg!  '  '  Jim  chirped. 

' '  Be  serious,  boys !  ' '  the  Colonel  ad- 
monished. "  I  mean  just  what  I  say. 
I  want  you  as  my  guests  in  Chicago 
and  you'll  have  to  come." 

"  Nix,  Colonel,"  Jim  answered,  so- 
berly.   *  *  Not  now.    Take  Amy  and  the 
kiddie  home  and  give  her  a  chance  to 
forget  the  troupers." 
110 


The  Curtain  Falls 


"  What!  "  the  Colonel  exclaimed; 
11  forget  you  and  Danny!  Absurd! 
My  daughter  and  I  don 't  believe  in  for- 
getting our  friends." 

The  Colonel  pleaded  but  Jim  and 
Danny  turned  deaf  ears.  "  We'll  bill 
the  town  some  day,  Colonel,  and  play 
a  week  stand  with  you,  but  you'll  have 
to  release  us  for  the  present.  There's 
a  fat  part  in  a  comic  show  waiting  for 
Danny  in  St.  Louis  and  he  won't  be 
happy  till  he  gets  it." 

So  the  Colonel  was  forced  to  be  con- 
tent with  their  vague  promises  to  visit 
him  at  some  future  time. 

That  evening  Jim  and  the  Colonel  sat 
in  the  room  with  Danny  and  looked 
over  the  newspapers. 

Jim  was  reading  fictitious  telegrams 
for  Danny's  amusement. 

" Here's  one, Danny!"  Jim  chuckled. 
"  It 's  dated  New  York  and  it  says,  '  A 
111 


Jim  Hickey 

dispatch  from  Pikehaven,  Illinois,  to 
this  paper,  says  that  Danny  Dean,  the 
celebrated  actor,  tried  to  do  the  chariot 
race  scene  from  Ben  Hur  in  the  main 
street,  but  the  horse  slipped  and  kicked 
Danny  in  his  presence  of  mind.  Mr. 
Dean  refused  to  take  an  encore  and  the 
spectators  demanded  their  money  back, 
so  the  policemen  had  to  make  good." 

Danny  grinned  and  the  Colonel 
looked  on  with  an  amused  smile. 

"  Here's  another— great  Scott!  '; 
Jim's  tone  changed  suddenly.  "  What 
the  devil  is  this?  '  He  arose  quickly 
and  closed  the  door.  "  Say,  I'm  weak 
all  over.  Listen  to  this,  will  you,  and 
it's  on  the  level  I  ' 

Jim's  hands  trembled  as  he  held  the 
newspaper  nearer  the  light.  "  Padu- 
cah,  Kentucky.  An  express  train  on 
the  B.  Q.  &  L.  ran  into  an  open  switch 
twenty-two  miles  west  of  here  last 
112 


The  Curtain  Falls 


night  and  was  wrecked.  A  man  and 
a  woman  were  killed  and  several  others 
were  injured.  From  letters  found  in 
his  pocket  the  dead  man  was  identified 
as  Samuel  Bishop,  a  theatrical  mana- 
ger. The  satchel  belonging  to  the  dead 
woman  bore  the  initials  I.  M.,  but  her 
identity  is  not  known." 

' '  God 's  grace ! ' '  said  Danny.  ' '  Then 
Amy  need  never  know  the  truth!  " 

"  She  loved  him,  boys,  or  she  would 
never  have  left  home  as  she  did," 
the  Colonel  said,  feelingly.  "  She 
need  never  know  the  truth,  but  I'll 
always  feel  that  I'm  a  better  father 
to  her  if  I  telegraph  money  down  there 
to  have  that  poor  devil  decently 
buried. ' ' 

"  It 's  too  late,  Colonel !  ' '  Jim  sighed. 
"  This  paper  is  four  days  old." 

The  next  day  at  noon  the  Colonel, 
his  daughter  and  her  little  son  left  the 
113 


Jim  Hickey 

Commercial  House  for  the  depot  to 
board  the  Chicago  Express.  Mrs. 
Stump,  decked  out  in  sombre  black, 
with  here  and  there  an  ornament  of 
ancient  days,  led  the  procession  with 
the  Colonel.  Amy,  escorted  on  either 
side  by  Jim  and  Marmaduke,  followed 
closely,  while  Danny,  talking  earnestly 
to  the  listening  "  Li'l  Bill,"  brought 
up  the  rear. 

Jabe  Meade,  followed  by  the  ever- 
whistling  Panegyric,  came  smilingly 
forth  to  meet  them  at  the  depot  and 
busied  himself  over  their  baggage. 

"I'm  almost  heart-broken  to  have  to 
leave  all  my  more  than  kind  friends  in 
Pikehaven,"  Amy  said,  shaking  hands 
as  Marmaduke  insisted  for  the  seventh 
time.  "  In  spite  of  all  our  troubles 
and  terrifying  experiences  I've  been 
happy,  for  I  found  my  dear,  good 
father  again.  And  I've  been  happy, 
114 


The  Curtain  Falls 


too,    in   the   friendship   of   Jim,    anu 
Danny,  and  you,  dear  Mrs.  Stump." 

She  paused  and  Marmaduke  sighed 
pathetically. 

11  Oh,  yes,  and  you,  too,  Marma- 
duke! '  Amy  continued,  hurriedly. 
"  But  I'll  be  so  glad  to  see  my  home 
again.  Daddy  says  my  room  is  just 
as  I  left  it  nearly  three  years  ago— 
isn't  that  perfectly  fine!  And,  besides, 
Mrs.  Stump,  you  know  Sam  will  be 
there — my  husband,  I  mean!  ' 

The  Colonel  took  Jim's  arm  and  the 
two  strolled  away,  talking  earnestly. 

Danny  was  seated  on  a  truck  giving 
Li'l  Bill  his  last  horse-back  ride,  and 
the  baby  was  yelling,  "  Make'm  go 
fas',  Danny!  gallup'm!  gallup'm!  >: 

' l  My  patience !  ' '  Mrs.  Stump  said  to 
Amy;  "  they's  always  a  husband  bob- 
bin' up  to  vex  us  with  their  uncertain- 
ness.    As  Ira  D.  Sankey  puts  it, 
115 


Jim  Hickey 

'Beyond  the  sky,  beyond  the  grave 
Will  husbands  learn  how  to  behave ! ' 

I  never  could  reason  that  out,  Amy. 
Mebbe  so  and  mebbe  not.  I  expec' 
when  I  reach  that  Heavingly  Land, 
where  Greenland's  icy  mountings  flow 
down  their  coral  strand,  I  expec'  the 
fuss  person  I  meet  will  be  Peter  Stump 
and  he'll  say,  l  Maw,  I  got  such  a  mis- 
ery in  the  small  of  my  back,  I  wisht 
you'd  rub  it  fer  me!  ' 

Amy  laughed.  "  You'll  be  sure  to 
come  and  make  me  a  real  long  visit  in 
Chicago  this  winter,  won't  you,  Mrs. 
Stump,  and  bring  Marmaduke,"  she 
added  when  that  gentleman's  face  grew 
eager. 

"  Thirtenly,  thirtenly,  Mithith  Bith- 
op,"  he  accepted  with  spirit^  "  And 
we'll  go  to  all  the  theaterth  and  thee 
all  the  burlethks  and  have  thuch  a 

thpree!  ' 

116 


The  Curtain  Falls 


"  Like  father  like  son,"  Mrs.  Stump 
said,  proudly.  "  As  Ira  D.  Sankey 
puts  it, 

'  Oh,  man  is  born  to  squanderate 
And  be  a  howlin'  profligate ! ' ' 

"  Nonsense,  my  boy!  "  the  Colonel 
was  saying  to  Jim  as  they  joined  the 
others.  "I'm  better  able  to  judge 
these  matters  than  you  are.  Mrs. 
Stump  has  my  instructions  with  re- 
gard to  all  bills.  From  the  moment 
you  came  to  my  rescue  in  that  vacant 
lot  yonder  you  became  my  guests,  and 
that  settles  the  matter  finally.  The 
debt  of  gratitude  my  daughter  and  I 
owe  you  two  young  men  can  never  be 
repaid,  but  I'll  not  lose  sight  of  you, 
never  fear." 

"  No,    indeed,    Jim,"   Amy   added; 
"  you  and  Danny  will  be  ever  in  our 
thoughts,  and  I'll  teach  Li'l  Bill  to  re- 
member you,  too,  Danny!  ' 
117 


Jim  Hickey 

The  express  puffed  haughtily  into 
the  depot;  the  last  farewells  were  saidj 
the  passengers  climbed  on  board  and 
the  train  moved  on  again,  leaving  in 
sadness  the  little  group  at  the  depot. 

"  My  patience!  "  Mrs.  Stump  said, 
fluttering  her  handkerchief  wildly.  '  *  I 
don't  believe  I've  sniffled  as  much  sence 
the  day  your  poor  father  was  carried 
from  our  lovin'  presence,  Mannaduke. 
Them  folks  surely  did  take  a  tight  grip 
on  my  heart  seem'  they  wasn't  neither 
kith  or  kin  to  us.  As  Ira  D.  Sankey 
puts  it. 

'The  shades  of  night  were  fallin'  fast 
So  what  is  over  must  be  past ! ' 

They  has  my  best  wishes  and  God  blest 
them!  "  Then  Mrs.  Stump,  followed 
by  Mannaduke,  the  last  of  his  race, 
went  slowly  back  to  take  up  the  reins 
118 


"They  has  my  best  wishes  and  God  blest 
them!"  said  Mrs.  Stump. — Page  118 


The  Curtain  Falls 


of  office  again  in  Pikehaven's  oldest 
and  only  hotel. 

Two  big  tears  were  in  Danny's  eyes 
as  the  train  finally  disappeared  and  he 
turned  to  his  friend.  ' '  Jim,  that  little 
kiddie  was  an  awful  hit  with  me!  " 
was  all  he  said. 

"  Now,  Danny,  back  to  the  ham- 
mock for  yours!  "  Jim  said  cheerily. 
"  You've  had  enough  excitement  for 
one  day.  To-morrow  we  do  a  hot-foot 
for  the  West,  you  know,  and  the  curves 
on  these  railroads  aren't  silk-lined 
yet." 

"Me!  why  I'm  old  Dr.  Sandow," 
Danny  answered.  "I've  got  an  en- 
gagement. Don't  you  remember,  I 
promised  Jabe  I'd  cut  up  a  little  for 
the  home  folks,  so  we'll  ring  up  if  Maw 
isn't  ailing.  Will  you  play  straight 
for  me,  Jim?  " 

"  To  the  finish,  Danny,"  said  Jim. 
(THE  E:ND.) 


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